Moving On

Prologue

I'm not one to give a detailed lecture on what pain is, but this I do know: there is no other feeling in the world that'll make you question every single choice you've ever made in your existence other than pain.

When pain visits us some point in our life, we can't refuse it. We can't do anything about it. We just let it in because we don't have any other choice.

We can choose to make ourselves more uncomfortable than already are by forcing to eject it from us or we can just accept it, welcome it, and engrave into our minds the fact that pain is a part of life. Just like death, it is inevitable.

But for me, those two inevitables occurred to be simultaneously. Of course, dying is painful. No doubt about that. Even a person who hasn't had a near-death experience can tell that dying is painful. Unfortunately, I experience two of its kinds.

The first one is actually dying. You know, I'm physically in pain which may probably lead me to my death. It was painful as hell. It felt like a thousand needles were piercing through my skin and inside the syringe was venom that makes my muscles twist in ways that they couldn't even twist.

The second one is metaphorically dying. You know, I'm emotionally in pain which may probably lead me to killing myself and eventually, death. It was more painful than actually dying, more painful than hell. It felt like I'm being choked while I'm already drowning.

As I was saying, we can't do anything about it, so I didn't do anything about it. The only question that I ask though wasn't why. It was, "When will this end?"