Moving On

Four

FOUR
S a n d r a

I decided not to hang around after Luke and Carly's not-so-wonderful conversation. I'll spare you the exchange of bad words between them, and just tell you most of what they talked about.

So Carly was at Applebee's because she was getting some food for Dev. She left Dev at Liz's place under the care of Marie, the Hemmings' housekeeper (whom I've met because I've been to their house a million times), which made Luke furious because Carly knows for a fact that Liz completely hates her and isn't entirely fond of Dev-yet, at least that's what Luke said.

I guess Liz doesn't feel any connection with Dev like Luke does, and it makes her question more if the kid's really Luke's or not. Now that everyone feels that way (Calum, Luke himself, and now Liz), I'm starting to feel the same way too-which completely contradicts the main reason why I put up with the trouble to go to Columbus today.

I was supposed to talk to Luke and bring closure, for the hundredth time, but instead the wound just got bigger instead of healing. Why does that happen every damn time I decide to move on with the tiresome cycle of my relationship with Luke?

I wait for a cab to take me away from this hell that used to be home.

I notice only now that my phone has been going nuts for the past few minutes: text messages and a lot of missed calls from mom. I wonder if she's done settling stuff about me moving out of the apartment. I dial her.

After a few rings, she finally picks up. "Sandra, where on earth are you?"

Shit. "Um... I just... I just had to do a few stuff. Are you at the apartment?" I hope my voice doesn't sound as nervous as I am. Although I didn't ask, I know that I wasn't allowed to come here in Columbus-at least without mom's knowledge, but whatever. All the same, I also know that mom wants me to stay away from my old life as possible in order for the wounds Justin's sudden death has left, like what I want for myself. The only problem is, I just don't know how to steer clear of trouble.

"Yes, I'm at the apartment," she says and I can sense irritation in her tone. "I'm putting your stuff into boxes already for your big move. I wish help magically falls down from the sky," she sarcastically says.

"Mom," I laugh. "I'm not moving till a week after the next. You're in a hurry to get rid of me, huh?"

"Just go home. I need your help," she says and then she hangs up. Well mom's certainly in a weird mood today. I hope everything's okay.

I return my phone into my pocket and wait for a cab to pass by yet again. The next sequences didn't happen too long after that.

A not-so-old woman bumped into me, causing what she was carrying to fall and scatter all over the pavement. It looked like important documents and one paper has found itself on the road and I quickly ran to get it.

As I returned the paper to the woman who ran-literally-to me, my heart kind of skipped a beat. I'll be damned. It's Liz. Coincidence, coincidence.

"Liz?"

She looks up only now. "Sandra!" She sounds just as surprised as I am. "What are you doing here?"

I weighed all my options. If I was going to lie, that's the hundredth time I've lied today. My sins have increased disturbingly for today and I'm not sure to succeed the others. So I decided that I'm going to tell the truth. There's no point in lying to Liz. Besides, she's like family to me after all. I've been close to her from the years that Luke and I were together, and I don't think that that'll change anytime soon.

"I, uh..." I weighed my options once more. I'm not going to lie, I remind myself. "I came here to talk to Luke."

"Why?" She asks. "Is there something wrong again?"

"What? No!" I laugh. "Everything's okay. I just wanted to see him. He didn't go to Justin's death anniversary at Indiana."

"Yeah, sorry about that," she looks at the ground. "I bugged him to go but he just kept saying that..."

"He wasn't ready yet," I finished for her. "I know. Calum told me."

"Oh. But still, I'm sorry. I knew that he and Justin weren't exactly the best of friends but Luke still should've come. You know, to pay his respects. Especially that you're Justin's... friend," she carefully chose which word to use to end her sentence. I don't blame her. Even I'm not a hundred percent sure what Justin and I am-sorry, was, I mean.

"It's okay," I told her reassuringly. "I'm really not one to judge since I didn't even attend Justin's funeral."

There was awkward silence after that.

I don't want to have awkward pauses in the conversations I'll have with the people that I left her in Columbus because to me they feel like the only connection left I have of my old life. They're a reminder that there are also good times during my stay here, that not all the bad things that have happened was my fault, that the good times weren't a mere illusion. So I decided to break the silence.

"By the way, what are you doing here in the University District?" I ask. "And what's with all the papers flying around?"

"Oh, I came to see Luke, actually. Didn't he tell you that I was meeting him here after my errands?" I shook my head. "Well, now you know. And I went out of the house because that good-for-nothing Carly left her son at my house. Can you imagine?"

Wow. Liz really does hate Carly. "Don't you like Dev? Don't you consider the possibility that Dev might be Luke's too?"

Like I expected, she shook her head. "I, for one, do not trust that bitch. Carly, I mean," she says. "And as much as I'd like to accept Dev as my grandson, I just don't feel anything when I look at him. Luke's been telling me his suspicions too. I told him that he wasn't the only one.

"And as for the papers, they're the DNA test results. Luke and I have been taking hundreds of second looks at them to see if there's some kind of mistake. And I'm not giving up. I trust my instincts a hundred and one percent."

I nod. "I understand." I pause, looking at my phone. I need to get home. Mom's going to be pissed. "Can you tell Luke that I'm just a text away? I really want us to remain close."

To my surprise, Liz takes my hand. "Of course I will!" She says. "I'm sure you know that I'm rooting for you and Luke to end up together. But in case you didn't, well, at least you know now," she smiles.

I laughed at her remark. Of course I knew that, I thought. I said my goodbyes because I really needed to get going then. She hailed a cab for me and hugged me one last time.

Talking with Liz made me realize that maybe there's still beauty I don't pay enough attention to here in Columbus. For the hundredth time, I questioned myself why I left and went with Justin in the first place.