I'M No Mercy | Changkyun | Monsta X

02. I am Sorry

"The sixth trainee to debut is... IM-"

Changkyun felt dizzy as his name was called; he couldn't stand straight, but managed to make it to the front, avoiding the looks of the other members. When he heard there were two spots left he didn't think either was his, it was a surprise. His dream to debut was once again possible, but he didn't put his hopes up in case there had been a mistake in the announcing of the winners.

The last member was announced and Changkyun could not longer hear anything but his thoughts, thinking of Gunhee and Jooheon. They had promised to debut together, the group would be having only two rappers, and Changkyun wanted to believe he had earn his spot, but he couldn't get rid of the voices telling him it was Gunhee's place, not his. He had been in a group with Hyunwoo, Wonho, and Jooheon before No.Mercy, and now they'd be debuting without him.

Hearing Wonho and Kihyun unable to complete their sentences due to sadness, he couldn't lift his eyes from the floor. But as a rapper, Jooheon's words made him feel rather guilty, "It's... been my dream to rap on stage together, and #GUN's too... I'm sorry we can't make it come true..."

Then he was reminded that he couldn't feel safe or happy yet, this was just a chance to debut, they weren't idols yet, they still had a long path filled with difficulties and challenges to go before his dreams were near to become true. Changkyun kept his head down as they looked at each other, it was only the seven of them now. They were supposed to be a team, they were each others' only hope of support from now on.

Changkyun stood behind Hyunwoo waiting for K.Will who was congratulating the final line up of the survival show. "How are you feeling?"

"I can't believe I made it, I- Gunhee-" his face was now covered in tears as he let the older embrace him.

"Changkyun-ah, you earned this place in the group; you are talented enough to debut and be a recognized idol. I'm not alien to the rumors going on at the company; do not let them get to you, don't mess up this opportunity. Prove them and your members that you deserve this."

"Yes, K.Will-ssi," he tried to step away from the hug.

"Call me hyung, but not in front of the CEO or other managers, okay?" he laughed and let go of Changkyun. "Congratulations, now go celebrate with your members, after today free time would be limited to non-existent."

"Thank you."

As soon as his gaze crossed Jooheon's his head dropped back down. Minhyuk approached him as well and he feared they'd recall this wasn't his spot, but he also saw a cameraman behind them. "You have to work hard, alright?" Jooheon placed his right arm around the youngest shoulders.

"Yes," hyung.

~*~

Three months.

The debut date was set, they only had three months to get ready. It was his last chance.

After calling his parents, Changkyun wanted to call his friends, but decided against it when a feeling of betrayal filled him. Would they be happy about him debuting while they hadn't had a chance?

Why wouldn't they be happy. They loved him and wanted the best for him, right?

"Changkyun?"

"Yes."

Kihyun was leaning on the door frame, "We are going out to eat and celebrate, are you coming?"

"I- I think I'll take a shower and then go to bed, Kihyun-ssi; it's been a long day" he begged his stomach not to give away how hungry he felt at the mention of food.

"Okay.. Gun and Seok left already, you sure you'll be fine by yourself?" he sounded genuinely concerned, perhaps it was only Changkyun's mind in need of affection. He wanted to shake his head and share his thoughts with Kihyun but didn't feel comfortable enough to do such an intimate thing.

Instead he nodded and open his drawer to take some clean clothes to wear after shower.

"If you need anything, call me or Hyunwoo-hyung; if you are hungry there's some pizza leftovers in the fridge, just don't eat them frozen, please."

"Thank you, Kihyun-ssi."

"Hyung," he corrected, "Kyun-ah, you are the maknae now."

Changkyun waited for the other male to leave to let the tears run down his face.

Two hours and a cup of tea later, Changkyun sat in the living room with his laptop on and started a video call. "Changkyun-hyung!" The rapper regretted using headphones as Jongyeon's scream pierced his ears.

"Jong!" Byunghwa nagged.

"Kyun-ah I just saw the latest episode of No.Mercy; why didn't you call us before? Are they still treating you bad? Do you need hyung to go now and make them feel worse?" the eldest seemed ready to fight starship trainees.

"No, I mean. They are not that bad, you have to understand how they feel, it was me who came-"

"Don't you go there" Jeongwook stopped him. "Don't you dare blame yourself or excuse their behavior."

Changkyun sighed, "it's okay hyung; however, it's not the reason why I called. I- today was the last mission, remember? The final line up members were meant to be announced tomorrow, but they did it today, so-"

"You made it hyung, didn't you?"

"I-"

"Oh my God, congratulations! I can't believe you didn't tell us before!"

"It was just-"

"Hyung we have to celebrate it! I am so happy-"

"Yeon, shut up; we are all happy about Kyun-ah, but let him talk."

"Thanks Byung-hyung; yes, I made it, but Gunhee didn't.." his eyes trailed down.

"I see the problem.. Changkyun, you deserve this second chance, don't overthink it, take the chance and make us proud," Byunghwa placed his hand in the computer and the rest copied his action. "We love you, and if you feel overwhelmed or pressured, don't hesitate on reaching one of us." Changkyun nodded with a smile, he really missed his friends and wanted to go back to them.

"Don't forget to eat well and have good rest, I know you, don't overwork yourself, we know you tend to do so."

~*~*~*~

♡ I wasn't going to use honorifics because I'm still learning their use, but they carry a lot of meaning for this story and plot so, please correct me if I am misusing them ♥