Everything Will Be Okay (Kellic)- on temporary hiatus

Drunk Truth

So yeah,it was the summer before last. I was fucked up and I still am, I mean look at me. It was a Friday night and of course my friends didn't want to hang out. It was a night alone and my parents were out. I hate being the family loser which I always was and always will be.

Tay was fighting with me. She was mad that I was becoming the person that I am today. Anti-social and kind of a dick. On top of that my mood was beginning to swing. It was a bad night and the thoughts came. Usually I'm able to get rid of them with music or movies but this time it wasn't working. The thoughts were screaming in my head, echoing in my brain and creating a cavern of my skull.

I grabbed the pills that sat out on my table. The Xanax for my anxiety, the cough syrup to put me to sleep and my mood stabilizer. I dumped their contents out, got a huge glass of water and just stared. I stared for a long time, maybe for an hour. It felt like eternity, like the clock just stopped. The colors of the pills distracted me. They looked up at me, daring me to make a move.

I snapped out of it though and came to the realization of what I was about to do. I slammed back against my wall and instantly started crying like a little baby.

I threw the glass of water at the wall and watched it slowly shatter. The pills on the desk scattered under my hand, running off like marbles. They hit the floor in a flash of color; colors that could have killed me.

I ran downstairs, grabbed my shoes, pulled my car out of the garage, and drove until my car was almost out of gas. I ended up outside of the hospital, shivering in the cold air.

"Holy shit Kellin I would have never guessed. I'm so glad you at least understand and I'm really sorry." Alex hopped off of Tay's bed and sat by me on mine.

"We should celebrate the fact that we both made it through, you know? Do something that makes us feel good about not dying those nights. Did you ever tell Tay about your episode? I feel like she wouldn't understand if I told her mine. Who wants a messed up loser for a boyfriend."

To tell you the truth I never did tell Tay. I guess I felt like Alex did, like she wouldn't understand or that she'd judge me. I'm really making her out to be a bad person but trust me she's not. She's kind and beautiful with a heart as big as the ocean. She cares for everyone and wouldn't bat an eye at helping those who needed it.

Yet I still didn't tell her. I felt sick all of a sudden. I left my best friend out of one of the most important things that happened at this point in my life.

"No, I never actually told her."

"What did you say when she asked? I told her that I had to go on a trip to Florida to visit my sick aunt."

"I told her that I went on a long vacation with my family to go to my cousin's wedding. Which wasn't a total lie, the rest of my family did go."

Alex gave me a hug that made me feel like he was trying to add pressure to the pieces that were left of me. "Every week let's get together. Let's watch movie's that make us happy or remind us of what happened. I don't know if it makes you feel better but it does for me, I like to connect to the characters." I smiled, nodding. I loved watching mentally ill stories with messed up characters, I could relate even though I wish I couldn't.

"Every Friday when Tay goes out we can watch movies and talk. It's like a meeting for the mentally ill." I smiled.

Alex laughed, "I like the ring of that. The mentally ill meetings. Okay, starting next Friday. Donnie Darko?"

"Then Silver Linings Playbook?" He smiled and nodded.

We watched the rest of the movie in silence, both slowly fell asleep as the credits rolled. I had the nagging feeling that we were doing something terrible behind Tay's back. Why did I feel like this? Who fucking cares?