1991 (LT)

-5-

➡ 23 December 2016⬅

↔ Louis ↔

Rachel Stone. Her eyes, like the beautiful night sky. Mesmerizing, and breath taking. We often get hypnotized looking at the night sky. Just like her eyes.

Her smile, brightening the world. Her happiness is my happiness. Her success is my success. The way her lips curl up into a smile, when I peck her lips.

Her hair, smooth and silky as ever. The way those curls look in the moonlight, the way they sway in the breeze. I love to run my fingers through them.

Her strong scent, like roses and lilies. One sniff and I know when she's near. Her strong perfume lets everyone know.

Her lips, beautiful, pink and plum. The way her lips look when she talks, when she kisses me. Her soft beautiful lips. Her heavy accent, like mine, makes me want to keep her up all night, just talking. 

I want to hug her and be able to smell her gorgeous scent. I want to run my fingers through her hair. I want to look deep into her eyes and tell her that 'I love her.' I want to place my lips on hers and let everyone know that she's mine and only mine. I want to hold her when she cries. I want to hurt whatever makes her cry. I want to protect her from any harm. 

I want my Rachel. 

My whole world.

She is my everything. Without her, I wouldn't be who I am. She helped me find myself. She loves me just as much as I love her. She taught me the true meaning of life. She taught me compassion, love and happiness. 

Without that sunlight coming into my life, what am I? 

She completes me. I am nothing without her. I am meaningless. I'd walk around like a zombie, if it weren't for her. 

Rachel. 

I groan. Why can't she just be safe and protected and in my arms? 

I open the door and get out of the car. The others follow my steps and we walk ahead. 

"You enter from there." I tell Liam, pointing to the right side, as he nods. 

"Harry, that side." I said, pointing at the left side. 

"Niall, lets go from front." I tell Niall. He nods. 

We were at a warehouse. We were checking every warehouse we could, cause that's where they are said to be. The cops said they would handle it, but I didn't accept anything.

I raise up my hand and signal, 'three, two, one' with my fingers and then mouth 'go!'

We all burst through the doors, the guns in our hands pointing inside. 

"Hands up!" I yell, just to see that, there was no one else, apart from us. I sigh and yell in frustration, before kicking one of the many empty crate-like-boxes angrily. I then sit down on top of an empty box, putting my head in my hands. Niall sits next to me and rubs my back.

I let out a few tears, before quickly wiping it, hoping no one saw. 

"It's alright to cry." whispered Niall. "We all cry. You don't have to hide it." I slowly nod, letting out a few more tears.

"What do we do now?" Harry asks. 

"We continue. We can't stop until we find her. She's my life and I wouldn't be alive without her." I say, looking at my hands. They all nod.

I wipe my tears and get up. I pull Niall up and we walk out of the warehouse and get into out car, before driving away.

◻◼

I opened the door and threw the keys on the table, exhausted. I shut my front door, remembering to lock it and then I look around my living room. It was incredibly silent. I scanned every detail of the living room, stopping at the photo of me and Rachel. 

In the picture, Rachel was smiling at me, as she sat on a beach chair. It was taken in our backyard, a few months back. That day was a beautiful day. We had one full, entire day with each other and we were relaxed in each others arms, happily.

"I love you." I said, pecking her nose. 

"You know I love you more." she giggles. 

"Gasp! But I thought you knew I love me more!" I said, dramatically widening my eyes. 

"Shut up, you idiot." she said, smiling as she got comfortable, laying back on my chest.

I sigh. I miss her so much. I sit down on the couch and remove my phone. The internet was filled with concerned messages from fans about me and Liam from that day. We hadn't said anything and there was no news from management.

I scrolled through my twitter as more and more worried messages from fans filled it. I stopped at one that said, "where's rachel?"

And that's when I burst into tears. My baby. My sunshine. My entire life. I wish I knew where she was. 

I pulled my knees to my chest and cried. That was something Rachel did when she cried, I thought which made me cry more.

How do I manage something like this? I don't know what to do! I wipe my tears and get up. I walk towards mine and Rachel's bedroom and stood at the door. I looked at the empty presence in the room and my eyes shift to the bathroom door.

I slowly walked to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my self. What used to be a stubble on my chin, is now a beard. I haven't shaved and I don't think I should either. It's not important right now. I opened the cabinet and looked inside. 

My eyes stopped at it. The thing that I had promised Rachel I would never touch again. The thing I needed now. I took it my hand, gazed at it like how a child looked at candy. I examined it and pulled my sleeve up and then slowly brought it to my skin.

I pressed it down on my skin, wincing at the pain, and smiled like a maniac. I loved the pain. I missed it. I brought the bloody razor in front of my face and observed the blood on it. I watched as the blood trickled down my forearm.

I smiled as I made another mark on my arm, right beside the first one. I winced more as this one was bigger and smiled, as tears slowly fell out of my eyes and falling on the wound. I hissed at the pain, as it stung my skin. I stared at myself in the mirror, holding a razor and my exposed wound.

I wash the razor and keep it back in the cabinet and then I smiled, like the crazy maniac I am.