Lane Assignments

Lucky Number Thirteen

Lucky Number Thirteen

"So then what happened?"

How can I put this into words? "All at once, I realized what you and Ray had been trying tell me for years. Like I couldn't see it clearly for myself... but the thought of bringing another life into it? Into that nightmare?" I shake my head. "It was terrifying."

- Continue Flashback -

Thirty-two days. I am four days late. I have never been this late before. A day or two, maybe... especially at the height of my running career. Some girls on the team didn't get their periods at all, but I always did. The curse.

But right now? It wouldn't be curse at all. It would be a relief.

Forgetting about breakfast, I just sit in a daze for most of the day, watching the clock and waiting for José to come home. He walks in at 6:00 with a wary expression and a huge bouquet of yellow daisies. Seeing me up and in the living room, he gives me a huge smile and a soft kiss on the lips.

"Feeling better, mi amor?" He asks, as if I'd been in bed with a bad cold.

No, actually, I am not okay! You beat me and you are holding me prisoner here. Why? Why are you doing this? I could ask a hundred questions, make a hundred accusations. I could tell him what's really going on. And now I think I might be pregnant. But I don't say any of those things. I just nod and give him a tight smile.

"Good. Do you mind making dinner while I shower? I got some chicken and vegetables at the market."

Once he's out of sight, I roll my eyes and get up to make dinner. Like everything's normal... just fine and dandy.

I can barely choke down any of my dinner, and José scowls as I push it around with my fork. He hates it when I waste food. When I waste anything.

"It's Wednesday... um, do you mind if I use your computer to email my dad and Kate?" I ask.

José agrees with a grunt, knowing that they will become suspicious if they don't hear from me at all. He unlocks his laptop and brings up my hotmail account while I clean up from dinner.

As always, he looks over my shoulder while I read and reply to messages from my dad and Kate. I keep the emails light and conversational, waiting for his approval before sending them. The emails from the first year - when there was still hope - were the worst.

Heard from your coach... Wondering if you'll be back for the Spring semester... It's your senior year, Annie... Don't forget about the Olympic Trials. You need to confirm by April if you plan to...

Now, like mine, they are safe and... resigned. Like we're all desperate just to keep in touch.

From Ray: Hope you're watching out for yourself and wearing plenty of sunscreen, kiddo... Do you get the Mariners games down there?... I love you, Annie.

Yes, I am doing great... Lots to do here and yes, I am wearing plenty of sunscreen... Don't worry about me, Daddy.

From Kate: I found this amazing apartment in downtown Seattle... I can't wait for you to see it!... When are you coming home?

The weather is incredible here... I saw two boys flying huge kites on the beach... My Spanish is really coming along and it's feeling more like home, mi amiga. My friend.