⚠️ This is a true story, unfortunately.
🖤1st in a series
✅Completed
I labeled this as teen "fiction" because my target age group usually thinks of self-help books or text books when they hear "non-fiction" and don't realize a memoir reads like a...
Albino girl: "Let's play I spy." T: "Ok. I spy something white." Albino Girl: "That statue?" T: "No." Albino Girl: "That girl's shirt?" T: "No." Albino Girl: "The cloth on the altar?" T: "No." Albino Girl: "Then what?" T: "You."
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We'd taken a field trip to the cathedral, downtown, forcing me to put off talking to Dan for another day. This was getting ridiculous. I was getting anxious that the longer it took, the less relevant it would be and he'd go back on doing it. On the other hand, I was relieved. I knew how I got when I talked to boys I liked. It was like watching the Challenger rocket explode in slow motion. My jaw felt like it was unhinged, my throat felt like I'd chugged gasoline, I stuttered, looking like a deranged mental patient. I know it might be hard to believe, but I wasn't always the smooth talker I am today. Everybody has to start somewhere.
I wasn't sure how I'd gotten stuck sitting next to the albino girl in the cathedral pew; She wasn't in my homeroom. She was a good sport though. I'd ended our game when I'd noticed Dan up at the altar. He was the head altar boy, the one who held the Bible open for the Bishop to read out of because I guess he was too busy to hold it himself. He glanced up and saw me watching him, forgetting to close the Bible when the Bishop was done. The sun shining through the stained glass windows reflected a rainbow of colors off his shiny dark hair and made his gold eyes sparkle like a newly opened treasure chest. I wished the Bishop would shut the hell up and get out of the way so I could see Dan better. He was like fruit in your yogurt. You get some yogurt and you're really excited, so you open it and start eating and you're all like oh my God, this is great! It's so creamy and smooth and hold on, I gotta stop and chew this fucking piece of fruit.
I wondered what I'd do if he were mine. I'd call him every night and text him every day. I'd meet him in the hall between classes and paint his jersey number on my face at games. Then I realized that's all the things I did with Kiwi. I wondered if I'd have time to do those things with him anymore or if Dan would get mad if I did. I wondered if Kiwi felt ten times stronger about me then I did about Dan since he actually knew me. I was leading him on like Dan was doing to me. I thought I had a valid reason for what I did but I had no idea what Dan's problem was. I was no better than him. How could I do this to someone when I knew how painful it was? I concluded that I was an evil person and I deserved every horrible thing that happened to me. We were all pawns in someone else's game. I was pulled from my thoughts when I noticed Dan smile and wink at me, as he closed the Bible and retreated to the back of the pulpit. I tried to smile back but was bombarded with students eager to get out of the church, as mass had ended.
