Killer Queen|✔️ (Book 1)

46. Minor Acts of Rebellion

June

A: "Do you think you're ready?"
T: "Do you think I am?"

    
    It was Ally's last day of voice and piano lessons before summer vacation. I didn't know that when I had made reservations to take her out for an early birthday dinner, since she'd be away at the beach on her actual birthday. I'd made them two weeks in advance, at this new fondue restaurant that just opened, and they only had one time slot left. She was supposed to be done with lessons the week before but her teacher had been sick, so he rescheduled to make sure she got every session she paid for. Now I'd have to pick her up at the school to get to the restaurant on time because it was a $250 charge to make the reservations, non-refundable and they'd give our table away if we were late.

I knew this meant I had the option of seeing Kiwi. Realistically, I'd always had the option to think of an excuse to pick Ally up and see him, but I was determined not to; not just because I was afraid I'd fuck up again but because I didn't know how he'd react. It gave me anxiety thinking about it, so as much as I wanted to see him, I avoided it out of fear.

      Ally had come over to my house to get ready for dinner before I dropped her off at the school. I stood on the top floor of the closet, watching her on the bottom floor, looking through my jewelry dresser. I gripped the railing as my hands started to shake; debating what to do. As much as I'd been working on myself, I still hadn't mastered the art of kicking my anxious ticks. I could drop her off and wait in the car until she was done, or I could go inside with her.
A: "I definitely think your changing. You're not one hundred percent yet, but the changes you have made are very noticeable, especially if someone hasn't seen you in forever."
T: "I know I'm doing better, but that doesn't mean he'll believe it. You don't understand how infuriated he was with me, like I can't even describe it. Then what if we did talk, what do I do after? Blow up his phone and try to make things normal again?"
A: "You're always on step twenty one pilots before we get to step one. Chill. That's the anxiety talking. You need to work on that."
T: "I know I need to work on it, but its not getting fixed in the next hour. I don't know what to do or say or what to expect and I'm fucking terrified it's gonna hurt worse than it already does. Then I don't know if it'll hurt worse to regret not doing it."
I felt frustrated tears crawling up my eyes, as I threw my head back to try to keep them in.

I noticed Ally had wrapped my Chanel opera necklace around her neck a few too many times and was now stuck in it; looking like she was trying to strangle herself. I felt the tears dissipate, as I found humor in her struggle and couldn't hold back a snicker.
T: "I guess you're wearing that one, dumbass!"
A: "Shut the fu-....Aww, Tayl."
She stopped mid-sentence, like something caught her attention in the drawer. I watched her mouth curl into a frown as she reached in and pulled out the diamond skull necklace Kiwi had given me for my birthday.
T: "Dude, come on."
I hung my head over the railing, as I felt fresh tears coming on.

     She made her way up the staircase, took my hand, and guided me back down; over to the vanity. She pulled out the chair and eyed it, wanting me to sit down. She had Kiwi's lap dance t-shirt in her hand that had been balled up on top of the jewelry dresser, using it to dab my eyes where the tears were puddling up. It still smelled so sweet after a year. I took it from her, cuddling it against my chest like a safety blanket.
A: "Sit up straight like you got a little dignity left."
I sat up a few piddly inches, as I watched her in the mirror, drape the necklace over my head and fasten it around my neck. She gave me a sad smile in the mirror.
A: "Looks better there than thrown it a drawer."
I stared at her, in desperation.
T: "...What do I do? Just tell me anything."

     
She stared blankly back at me, drumming on my shoulders, as she thought. I think I felt like if someone else made the decision and it went to shit, I wouldn't have to blame myself.
A: "What if....we do a little bit of both? Come in, but don't come in."
T: "Say what, now?"
A: "I'll go in first, go in the music room and keep Kiwi busy, then text you when I know he won't hear the side doors open and you come in. There's that little row of like five lockers outside the music room. Stand behind there and I'll ask him what's up with you guys. You should be able to hear everything. Maybe I can get him to tell me how he feels so you'll at least know what to expect if you ever wanted to talk to him and don't have to be anxious about it."
T: "Hmm...mission impossible. I like it."
A: "Yeah...just don't roll around on the floor and do karate moves, like when you play mission impossible in my room. I doubt that'll work in your favor."

                                             *

🤹🏼‍♀️🎭 Comment & Vote