⚠️ This is a true story, unfortunately.
🖤1st in a series
✅Completed
I labeled this as teen "fiction" because my target age group usually thinks of self-help books or text books when they hear "non-fiction" and don't realize a memoir reads like a...
I was glad I didn't break down and tell her anything about the suicide attempt but equally embarrassed that I obviously dodged her question, which usually means yes. I took it as a win though, that I'd opted to avoid the question instead of flat out lie about it. Thank God I didn't. That was her anxiety crème de la crème, I came to find.
I called her that night to check up on her and see if she made good on our agreement that she tell her parents what was going on. She said she did because I'd scared her that she was going to die. Not my intention, but if that's what it takes, so be it. I asked her what kinds of things triggered her anxiety, and death was like thee number one. She would get awful anxiety that our whole family would just drop dead of disease or get in car wrecks. As soon as she said that, I remembered all the times when she was little, that she would have these unnatural sobbing fits about her parents dying in a car accident; whenever they were out and I was babysitting. I used to yell at her for bothering me during Cops and tell her if they died, there was nothing she could do about it so start learning how to do her own taxes. I felt horrible for being so mean and blowing it off.
She would freak out when she thought someone was mad at her too. I lost count of how many times she called me crying after we would have a disagreement, like she thought I would schedule surgery to get our matching DNA chromosomes removed and disown her. She started getting panic attacks in big crowds and thought random people would attack or mug her. She would get so worked up when I would come to her dance recitals or choir shows, because she was afraid I would think she sang a stupid song or did a bad job and make fun of her, which I'd never done, so I don't even know where that came from.
She started seeing Shannon as well, a few weeks after our initial conversation. Although I understood where she was coming from, there were times I would still get irritated with her because her fears seemed so ridiculous...just like chasing after a teenaged boy seemed ridiculous to her. Even when you have anxiety, someone else's can still seem so stupid. It's like you can never really grasp this thing. Here are all the reasons why what you're anxious about is dumb and this is why what I'm anxious about is actually really important...even though I completely know how you feel. It's just a giant mind fuck.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
January
I was required to take a few English courses as part of the theater major. I had picked some no-brainer essay and creative writing courses. When the school year started, it was explained that we would be choosing a subject, developing and expounding on that subject as the courses progressed; doing insane amounts of research and perfecting our writing skills. We were told to get used to not going to bed before 2:00 A.M. We'd have essays due every two weeks, taking up more time then my actual majors. I chose anxiety disorders in teens. I knew that blanket term would allow me to cover all types of anxiety and get the full spectrum of the issue and all the tasty little sub-disorders,that accompanied them and really dig into the role depression played.
