everything sucks

anger

tbh... i haven't really been myself lately.

and I rlly don't know why.

I've been more insecure, ive been so angry at nothing, I've been crying more.

I KNOW that it has nothing to do with my period.

Cause I just got it today and these 'mood swings' has been happening for a week now.

I've been more isolated.

More tears

More anger

Only 1 person has been rlly keeping me 'sane'

She just understands me on a level that nobody knows of.

We talked A LOT last night !

I got to know her.

She got to know me

I've never laughed that hard.

I didn't even think it was possible to have that much joy from one person.

Yeah I laugh at school, at home, and sometimes I laugh alone.

That's creepy

But then when we stop talking for the night...

All the emotions that I never expected to feel

They come crashing back

I want it to stop

I want to stop being insecure

I want to stop crying

I want to stop being angry

I want to stop everything

But I can't

I can't stop being insecure

I can't stop crying

I can't stop getting angry.

I can't stop.

It's gotten to a point where I have this fear of myself

Im scared to talk back

I don't know what I'll say and who I'll hurt

Im scared to hit

I don't know how much I'll hurt them

Im scared to tell

I don't know how deep they'll take it

It's so disappointing and embarrassing to tell yourself to calm down

It's disappointing when you don't.

It's embarrassing that you even thought that you'll be even calm in the slightest

Trust me.

I always tell myself to bite my tongue, clench my fist, to scream inside your head.

I bite my tongue till it bleeds

I clench my fist till I split my palms with my nails.

But anger takes over...

And I scream.

But not mentally