Living For You (GxG)

Downhill

Nora and I spent the next several days sticking close to one another... It's hard to believe she doesn't have much longer... I still don't want to believe it... I know I'm an awful girlfriend, but Nora is my baby... She's my sweetheart....

I can't imagine my life without her now...

It's now the beginning of March sadly though, and her... end... is nearing... I hate to be negative, but it's inevitable at this point... Nora's motor and speech skills are declining at a rapid pace and its already so hard for her to do anything anymore... She can't even go to the bathroom by herself, let alone stand...

The world is so cruel to the best of us, yet here I am perfectly healthy when I'm... an awful person... If only... I could do something helpful... for my love...

"Nora..." I began, "I love you dearly..." Nora turned to me as she laid almost motionless in the bed and smiled.

"I looooovvvvveee... yooou toooo...!" She exclaimed, drawing out her words. Her stuttering has stopped somewhat, but now it's getting hard for her to even pronounce words at all... She hasn't talked much as all really because... well... I'm sure she's upset by the drastic changes... I know I am...

Her sweet and kind voice no longer filled the room as often as it used to. In fact, most of the time there is a shocking and disturbing silence that unnerves me. It used to be the opposite... She couldn't stop talking... but now she won't talk much at all...

She smiling at me constantly now, almost as if she's forcing herself to, but there seems to be no emotion behind it. Nora's eyes are now like voids: dark, empty, soulless, and never ending... Yet she still put on an act for me... How can such a small girl put up with this...?

She's strong, but broken.

Broken, but fixed.

Fixed, but shattered.

Shattered, but alive...

She's surviving...

I admire Nora. She's everything that I'll never be. I would've given up at this point. Sad to say, but... I'd rather end my suffering than continue through it with a 0% chance of living... There'd be no point... Then again, I am a coward...

Anymore, it's like Nora is waiting for me to say, do, or play something. Anything for that matter. It seems that even breathing kills her... It hurts to watch her go through all this... I hate this so much... She knows I'm worrying too...

"It'ssss alrighhhtttt Adellllllleeeeee... I'mmmm... Finnneeee..."

... Yet you're not... Not fine at all... You're suffering... You're smiling... You're pushing through the pain... You're acting tough... Show me how you truly feel... Please...

"Nora..." I whispered, "how're you feeling right now?" I asked, rubbing her hand gently with my thumb. Nora batted her eyes at me and curled her thin lips into a smile.

"Happppy... Relieeeveed... Satisssfiiiedddd... Luccckkkyyyy... Becauseeeee... I havvvee... youuu here..." She laughed with a slight cough. I frowned and immediately got up to envelope her in a hug.

"Baby... You're suffering though... If it wasn't for me, you'd probably be in a slightly more stable condition... You would have your parents to help you... You'd be better off without me..." I sighed. Nora patted my back softly and let out a faint wheeze.

"I neeeddd youuu... Adellllleeee... I lovvveee youuuu...!" She cheered. I sniffles softly into her neck, keeping her close to me and I watched the time on the clock tick down. There was only about a couple more minutes before I had to leave, so I quickly kissed Nora goodbye and left the hospital to try and figure out what else I could do for her...

It was pitch black outside and the only cars left in the parking lot was mine and the hospital staff's. It took a few minutes, but, after stumbling around in the dark for a bit, I finally found my car and drove back to the dorms to try and sleep if possible. As I arrived, it was easy to see that there were absolutely no students out at all. Even though it was the weekend, it was as if everyone had already went to bed for some reason.

The sidewalks were pitch black, only being dimly lit by the flickering of a few low wattage light bulbs from above, and were hard to navigate back to the dorms with. The night was freezing, but something was oddly colder than just the air. It felt like I was being followed, but I knew that wasn't the case because I was completely alone on the sidewalk.

I couldn't contain my suspicion and turned back around to see if there was someone, but, just as I suspected, no one was actually there. It was just my mind playing morbid tricks on my stressed imagination. Here I am in the middle of the college campus with tons of police cruisers and patrol officers around, but yet I just feel like something is completely and utterly wrong.

Even though I eventually reached the dorms, when I walked in I noticed an issue that completely shut down my whole body. On my dorm room door, someone had spray painted... very sexual things and many slurs naming us as "dykes" and "lesbos"... I mean, they aren't wrong really, but the attack still hurt nonetheless...

The worst part wasn't even the spray paint or the slurs, it was a small death threat that was tapped to the door as well. Considering how thin the walls are here, you would think someone would hear this happen... Unless they're in on it too... Who knows...

Even when I'm facing such difficult dilemmas, its like I can't be completely fazed by it... Sure, Nora's condition is deteriorating me, but I honestly just feel so empty... so dead inside... I can't feel anything... Am I even actually alive anymore...? I don't think I am...

I finally gathered the courage to open up my dorm door and enter into my room without turning the lights on. It wasn't until I did that I screamed loudly and ran out of the room. Sitting on my bed was a dead animal of some sort... It was hard to tell what it was, but the body was so mangled and destroyed that it was beyond recognition... That night, I stayed awake all night in Nora's room...