Living For You (GxG)

Moved

I couldn't bear to tell Nora what had happened, but I couldn't stand to even go see her... She would know that something is wrong from my demeanor. To be honest, I just wanted to lock myself in Nora's room for the rest of the week... If it wasn't for her condition though, I would.

She doesn't have much time left, so of course I can't mope around in her room like this... Hell, I still have to... I don't know what the fuck to do... I'm such a child for sure... Maybe, just maybe I can figure this out on my own...

Yeah right.

Who am I kidding? Ugh, I'll have to talk to... well... someone... I don't know who... Why is life so hard? Unfair? Fucked up?

I'm close to calling it quits and following Nora...

No, no, no. Don't be like that! Snap out of it! Nora needs you to be strong for her... Yet I can't... Here I am... sitting in her room crying my eyes out as I hold tightly onto some of her clothes...

My hands gripped each article of clothing tightly as I cried into them as well. It's hard to even control myself anymore. I finally discovered the love of my life, yet she's about to die... She close... but I'm just mourning her death already even though it hasn't happened yet... Sick, right?

From the soft and delicate sound of her voice to her petite figure, I can't imagine not seeing, hearing, and touching anything of Nora anymore... She's my everything...

Stop mourning...

"Nora... why did this have to happen to you?! Why you?!"

Control yourself...

"I wanted to be with you for the rest of our lives... Yet you're leaving me... You're leaving me behind..."

it's not her fault...

"I can't live without you... I love you!"

She loves you too...

My heart dropped as I finally realized as to how crazy I was acting.

"I'm... such a disgrace... To Nora, to my family, to... everyone..."

You aren't... You're nothing of the sort...

"I am... I'm selfish... I'm neglecting how Nora is feeling right now... I'm carrying on like a goddamn child..."

Then go to her. Be by her side... She needs you. Now.

"Yeah... Yeah... I do... I'm a mess though... I smell awful..." I finally stopped talking to myself and went in to shower quickly before heading back over to Nora...

It was already pretty late before I arrived back at the hospital, but there was still about an hour for visitation. I hurried to her room, but when I got there she was nowhere to be seen. My instinct told me instantly that there had to be something wrong...

A nurse in the hallway noticed me and walked into the room to talk to me. His voice was extremely mundane and lacked any emotions, but yet he still explained the dire news in graphic detail.

"She has been put into our surveillance unit with constant care. She stopped breathing earlier while you were... out... Now we have to keep watch on her throughout the day. She won't last much longer, Mrs. Goebel. I'm sorry, but there's no use sugarcoating it. She will not be alive that much longer... Today is the 8th, yes? I'm giving her only about another two weeks... At most... For the time being, she cannot have any visitors anyways. It's best to go back home." He bluntly said before walking off.

It was as if my world was crashing down on me... I was prepared for the news, but I don't want to accept it.

Two weeks? At most? You tell me this... and then expect me to just go home?!

"This is bullshit... I'm going to lose her... I..." My voice trailed off as I collapsed to the ground in a fit of anger and sadness.

There's nothing I can do for her... I'm useless.

No, no, I'm not... I can't do anything because I'm not a fucking doctor... I may love Nora, but I can't do anything to help her at this point... It's up to them to... make her suffering less violent... She deserves some sort of peace... Just not this...

I got back off of the floor and searched throughout the hospital for someone else to help me, but there was no one in sight. After a few minutes, I finally gave up and left with more questions than answers to any of the problems...

I found myself back outside in my car, but there was no motivation to go anywhere else at this point. I wanted to avoid the dorm as much as possible now, so instead of going back there to... who knows what... The last thing I need is to get killed or some shit... Though, I would be together with Nora after she...

Stop.

Just stop it.

As I sat in the front seat of my car, thinking about other possible scenarios, the scenes played out in my head one by one... None of those appealed to me at all... I wish I could save her... I love her... Two more weeks until...

Stop thinking about it.

Push forward.

Think about what Nora would want you to do.

Nora...? I... She'd want me to move on, but I can't live without her, I really can't do it...! She's my world...