All I Ever Knew Was Your Name [Nick Robinson]

NINETEEN

bury a friend by billie eilish

The fireworks have not ceased since the moment our lips touched. It feels like time has stopped. It feels like world peace has been restored. It feels like nothing matters anymore.

It feels like I'm kissing Nick again. And it feels like everything.

His hands are quickly at my waist, pulling me on top of him as if he'll die without me. He sits up, allowing me to wrap my legs around him to give both of us the closeness we've been aching to have.

Our lips move fast. Soft whimpers fill the air around us, only making me crave more of what's to come. My hands are in his hair. His are on my back, occasionally pulling up at my shirt to feel my skin. The rise and fall of my shirt only makes me want him more. I want to give him everything. I want to protect him and take care of him and—

"Wait," I stop him, our lips still brushing passionately. "I thought you didn't want this. I thought you didn't—"

"I can't stay away from you, Mary," he kisses me hard. "I tried, but I just can't. I can't—"

I keep him close, not exactly caring about our conversation from the other night. I don't care. It means nothing to me right now. I'll deal with it later.

The sounds of soft panting and breathy moans fill my room. Nick's headphones have been knocked out of our ears, and his phone on the floor. We can't stop. It would take something more earth shattering than this to break us apart.

I let go of him only to pull my shirt up and over my head. His eyes are hazy as he studies me, until he allows me to rid his shirt from his body as well.

We kiss harder then. The newness of our unclothed upper-halves has us both reeling. My nails press into his shoulders, holding him as close as I can.

I push my hips forward once, then twice. He moans into my lips, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck as he tongues my mouth.

"Mary, we don't have to—" he pants. "—if you don't want to keep going, we don't—"

"Shut up," I demand, moaning at the feeling of his skin against mine. I want him. I have to have him. I feel like I'll die a million deaths if I don't have him. Perhaps I'm being dramatic, but it sure doesn't feel that way. "Just shut the fuck up and kiss me."

He nods, complying by pressing a hot, searing kiss to my lips that hits me at my core.

His hand loops into my hair to pull my head back, giving him access to my neck. He nearly devours it, his teeth and tongue giving me everything I've ever needed. My body trembles with each lick, bite, and kiss.

My hands are greedy as they trail down his skin, anxious to feel his upper half. I can't help myself as they go down further, until my hand is brushing over his member which is covered by his sweatpants. I wait for him to stop and ask me if I'm okay, but he doesn't. He lets me keep going.

"I want you so bad, Mary," he mumbles into my mouth as my fingers teasingly find their way into his pants. "I don't know why I tried keeping you away from me. I don't know what I was thinking. I was so stupid."

I hum as my lips trail down his neck. "So fucking stupid."

I move myself off of him only to kneel before his body, continuously kissing down his soft skin. My fingers pull at his pants, and he allows me to keep going.

It's all so unexpected. I mean, of course, in my wildest dreams, I've imagined this over and over again. I've imagined showing Nick how much I want him in this intimate way. I've imagined us giving ourselves over to each other completely without any care in the world. But nothing— no imagination could ever make a moment like this one.