All I Ever Knew Was Your Name [Nick Robinson]

TWENTY

when the party's over by billie eilish

Life is good for a while.

I'm going on milkshake and french fry dates, going to the beach, watching the sunset, going for walks with Calvin, watching the stars, and kissing— lots and lots of kissing. Everything else is great, but the kissing has me falling all over myself. It's perfect.

In my eighteen years of being alive, I've never felt quite as free as I do with Nick. I feel like I've broken out of my shell, and I'm finally a person who cares about things other than laying in my bed. I mean, I still do care about laying in my bed, especially if it means Nick is with me, too.

It's been two weeks since that night at the aquarium. If I thought I was infatuated with him then, I surely am over the moon for him now. Everything he says and does makes my body tremble in a way that it hasn't before. I'm so anxious to be around him as much as I can.

My mom doesn't know about us yet. It's not that I'm afraid of her knowing, I'm just not ready to tell her yet. I never tell her anything anyways, so this just feels like something else that matters to me that she doesn't know about.

Nick's dad definitely doesn't know about our relationship. I'm sure his suspicions are there, but we won't dare to tell him what's going on between us. Nick told me he hid Bethany from him for the entire time they dated because he was afraid of his dad hurting her, too. I don't know the man enough to decide whether he's capable of that or not.

I don't want to find out.

While it seems like I can't keep the smile off of my face during the daytime, the nighttime is a little bit different. Nick doesn't always spend the night, as he doesn't want his dad to connect any dots or make any assumptions. Instead, he lies to his dad every couple of days by telling him he's spending the night at Owen's.

As long as it keeps his dad from hurting him, I don't care what he does. Anything to keep him safe.

As far as I know, Nick's father has not touched him in a few weeks. There have been no signs of fighting or even arguing, for that matter. And I watch like a hawk. I don't ask about it because I don't want to upset him, but Nick is always on my radar. As is his father.

"Do you have to go?" I question, mumbling into the mouth of the tall brown haired boy I've quickly come to adore.

My hands are behind my back, fingers intertwined with Nick's as he kisses me over and over again. I try to prolong it by allowing my lips to linger on his much longer, and he's easily feeding into it.

"I wish I didn't," he groans. I feel him tightly against me, and I wish it could always be that way.

"Then don't," I brush my nose past his. "You don't have to."

He giggles. "I wish that was true."

Now I'm the one groaning. I know exactly why he has to go, and it's because his dad expects him home before dinner. Once dinner is done, though, Nick is free to see me for the rest of the night. But that evening hour where I sit and wait for them to be done— just excruciating. Nick's dad has no clue how lucky he is to be able to see him whenever his heart desires.

"I'll be back soon, okay?" he parts his hands away from mine only to run them through my hair.

I purse my lips sadly, hopeful that it'll change his mind. I'm sure his mind is already made up in my favor, but it's not really up to him.

"I'll hurry. Promise," he tries to reassure me.

I'm unable to propose a rebuttal because he's quickly kissing me and leaving through the window.