All I Ever Knew Was Your Name [Nick Robinson]

THIRTY EIGHT

my body is a cage by arcade fire

a/n: it's a repeat sorry (:

It's August.

Any progress Nick and I made (which was almost none) has been thrown out the window since the day I went out with Ronnie for coffee. I was hopeful in the beginning that he'd get over it and understand why I went, but it never happened.

Maybe it's because I don't even understand why I went.

Yeah, I needed to put myself out there. And yeah, I needed to get laid— as I say that, I realize I'm spending too much time with my nympho best friend. And yeah, I didn't want to be so hung up on Nick anymore. But I still cannot come to a conclusion as to why I really pushed for this date.

Ronnie is very nice. He's got a head on his shoulders, he's very intelligent, and funny, too. He also seems very interested in me, as he's always initiating our dates.

We've been on eight of them, by the way.

He's sweet, genuine, kind, and—

Well, he's company. Meaning, I can pass time with him. He's someone to talk to and listen to. He's likable and charismatic and—

He's not who I want him to be.

He could give me everything I've ever wanted on a silver platter, and I'd still find myself simply liking his company, and only that.

So, why am I still seeing him if I'm not completely head over heels?

Because he's company.

Owen and Penny are together twenty-four seven. Nick barely speaks to me (then again, I don't speak to him either), and that leaves no one else. Ronnie is an easy solution.

"I think you're only doing this to make Nick mad," Penny scoffs as she twirls my hair around her curling iron. Penny, Owen, Ronnie and I are going on a double date. "No offense."

I laugh. "Just because you say no offense, doesn't mean—"

"Okay, then! Full offense, Mary!" she snaps.

My eyes widen and I close my lips, knowing she's about to spill all of her thoughts into my own head. It's something I've learned to stay quiet for.

"You don't even like Ronnie like that! You don't have to even tell anyone, either. It's written all over your face whenever you go out with him. Besides, you don't even bring him around!" she rants.

I shrug. "I mean, I like Ronnie, but—"

"What's the sex like?" she asks. It's not in a way to tease me either. She seems genuinely curious and almost angry at me.

"Gross! That's your cousin!"

"Mary!"

"It's—" I wave my hand around as if it will supply me with the words I need. "I mean, it's—"

Penny shakes her head, then brushes her fingers through my newly curled hair to relax the tightness of the ringlets. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What!" I gasp.

"You can't even make something up!" she squeals, spraying the hairspray throughout my hair. "Come on, Mary! It's just not fair."

I sigh. "I know. He's a nice guy and—"

"I'm not talking about him! Fuck him! I'm talking about you!" she sets the hairspray down on the desktop, which relieves me. I wouldn't have been so surprised if she hit me over the head with it.