I fucked up, I know that.
Shit, what am I going to do?
I finally told him. My secret that I have been carrying for so long. Almost 2 years, since we began dating. I know that I should have told him sooner, when we started to get serious. Pero no, no lo ese. No le dije. God, I messed up so badly. And to think I would always be like -"God, your so stupid, if you cheated on your s.o and you regret it then you tell them. You tell them." Now I'm a hypocrite. This is why I am in our apartment, alone, crying, and waiting for Richard to get back here. God, please let him be safe, I plead. He cannot get hurt. I wipe my tears and I get up from our bed. I go to the living room and start picking up pillows and blankets that Richard threw, I pick up them up and place them neatly on the couch. I pick up the wineglass pieces that fell when I turned. Finally I head to the kitchen and I start to bake. I always make sure that I have ingredients to make cookies. It's our thing, I baked him so many cookies, chocolate ship, his favorite (idea his favorite but oh whale) So I try to bake them when something special comes up. An anniversary, Valentines, false pregnancy scare, Christmas. It's our comfort food too. So I am going to bake the cookies and turn our library/guest-room into a library/ guest-room/gamer-room. We had a coin toss and I won. He never lets it go. So it's mi forma de demostrar que yo lo siento.
As the cookies bake I go and begin on turning the room, checking on the cookies about every five minutes or so. I haul all of his consoles, games, controllers, to the room. Once I finished with everything I head to our room, grab my book and I start to read. I don't know how much time has passed but I end up reading most of my book until I hear the lock clink. The door shuts. He's here.
"Cami?" I hear Richard calls out cautiously. get off the bed and placed my book on the nightstand and make my way to the living room. I take him in. His eyes puffy from crying, tear stains on his cheeks.
"I'm here." I say. "Where did you go?" I ask him and he lets out a long and shaky breath.
"I went out for a walk, to clear my head. To try to see why you didn't tell me sooner." I shuffle from foot to foot. I look straight at him. "And where do you get?"
"I understand why you didn't tell me with who. Chris is my best friend. But why you did it and never told me. I couldn't figure that out." He walks over to the couch and sits down. "Care to explain." I stay where I am and swallow.
"I...um...well." I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "I didn't tell you when it happened, when we got serious or before that because." My voice cracks. "Well. It did happen before we got together. We were talking but I" A tear slips down my cheek.
"No, no, you don't get to cry camilla! The love of your life did sleep with your best friend! They didn't cheat on you." Richard cries.
"We weren't together then!" I cry back.
"For me, for me we were. You have always had me."
"I'm sorry." I whisper. Richard leans in and places his face into his hands. He comes back up. "Why?" He whispers. I sit down next to him and fold my hands together on my lap.
"It was the day of Zabdiel's birthday party, and I saw you with..with her." I see Richard wince at the mention of la diabla. "You guys were on the couch, all cozy. All up each other. I got so jealous. And Chris came behind me and he was like I'm so sorry Camilla, I know that you liked him. I thought he liked you though." I turned to him and hugged him. I told him that I was sorry because I knew that he liked her. When we broke apart." I stop and take a breath. "I kissed him and he kissed me back. One thing lead to another. He was my first actually my first. And I going to be completely honest with you we were both very sober. I had a beer before that was when we were setting the place up." I see tears streaming down his face. "And, frankly, I didn't want to tell you because it meant nothing. To either of us. It didn't make things awkward. It did bring us closer because we saw each other vulnerable." Richard stands up and offers me his hand and I take it. We are standing, our faces inches apart.
"So nothing?"
"Nothing." I confirm. "We have never even spoke of it since."
"Was it good?" he asks.
"What?!"
"Was it good enough to know that you would leave him for him?" I look at his face, full of worry. A tear spills out. He takes that has an answer.
"For real?" He asks so madly.
"No, no baby, no." I sigh. I cup his cheeks in my hands. "It was good." I can feel his flinch. "Yes, it was. But I would never ever leave you for him. Because we are just friends. We always have been, and always will be. And I am so sorry if I ruined your guys friendship but you have nothing to worry about. We don't and wont ever want each other like that. In any other way then just friends. Please...baby...please believe me. Richard takes my hands off and take my hands.
"You didn't ruin our friendship, he is still my best friends. I may want to punch him the next time that I see him. But I won't."
"What about me? How do you feel about me?" I ask softly. Scared of his answer. Richard squeezes my hands. "I still love you, mad, but I love you and I forgive. You did tell me and I didn't find out. True it would have been better if I knew right after but its ok." Tears escape. "I still want you." I let out a small laugh in relief. I lean in and plant a small kiss and we hug.
"I made you cookies." I say.
He pulls out of the embrace. "Oh?" I nod. "What about the room?" I laugh.
"Turned it."
"Yes!"
"Your such a dork." He wraps his arm around my waist and kisses me. "And you wouldn't have it any other way."
~Ah! I finally updated! Sorry about that, I am still ground, barely passing trig. But omg let me tell y'all the concert was so amazing! I loved it! Anyways here is the second to last chapter of this little book. Hope you guys like this chapter and I will try to upload the chapter this week.~
