IDOL?! M.Y.G

• Prologue •

begin

idol school.

a place i've always dreamed of going to. i've danced ever since i could take a few steps. i've sang the moment i could let out my voice.

i see those people on the television, in some dark venue, lights following them, sewn sequins reflecting the light in all directions.

("glitters? s-sequence?" 5 year old me asks my mom. "sequins, darling.")

they would wear beautiful clothes, be it normal tees and simple jeans, or maybe costumes, or whatever they decided to wear.

("she looks like a princess," 7 year old me exclaims, mom giggling at me.)

but, what really caught my attention was the way they moved - every single step, gesture, look - they were mesmerizing. every single movement was smooth, fluid even, just like water. it was apparent that these people were professionals.

not only that, but also their voices - way better than those drunkards i'd hear every time i pass by bars, way better than the choir that sings during mass, and dare i say it, they might be on par with angels, too.

everything about these people shouts amazing. dancing, singing. right then and there, i knew i wanted that. i wanted to be like them.

when i told mom at 12, she merely laughed at me saying it's going to be be a long, long way. i could vaguely remember the way her eyes turned into small crescents as a sad smile appeared on her face, definitely thinking that it's just a phase.

("okay honey, do what you think will make you happy.")

even though she never believed that i could do it, i persevered. without her knowledge, i worked part-time in a coffee shop and in a library. after getting enough money, i paid for voice and dance lessons.

there, i was told that being in a group would have a better chance at success. i tried, really tried, to be sociable and gain as many friends as i could, but everyone seemed to know each other already which just made me stay quiet.

my first lesson, if you ask me, was terrible. it wasn't me, my teacher, or my sing and dance. it was the people with me. being grouped with the worst bunch was absolute shit. i may not be one to judge, but i could easily tell that these people were just average, just those who like to sing as a hobby or for fun. (although two downright sucked.)

when it came to dancing, saying i was shocked was an understatement. these guys were moving rocks. bad posture, stiff movements - you name it.

it was then that i remembered that these were voice and dance lessons where those who do not know how to do the two properly can enroll and leave a whole lot better, so i just accepted my fate. but, when i took a glance at another group, saw that every member actually knew how to sing and dance, i blamed everything on my great, great luck.

no matter how much we practiced, (or i practiced,) nothing worked. it was no surprise that we were ranked last. the only good thing with being in the worst group was the fact that i was chosen as the best member in a heartbeat.

after two months of lessons, i was proud to be called the best singer and dancer of all the students with a total of 50.

i can remember easily how mom's eyes widened, mouth agape with surprise, when i told her at 16 that i got in korea's most famous idol school, bighit university, whose headmaster was the president of bighit entertainment.

remembering what the others told me during my lessons, i planned to make many friends at the university, join a group, preferably one with only girls, and hopefully debut during my first year which was rare. (i also hoped that luck would finally be on my side unlike the time when i had my lessons.)

fidgeting nervously, wearing the uncomfortable uniform (which was actually very, very nice, it's just that i was really nervous), i started taking baby steps towards the entrance of the large building. big letters forming 'bighit university' right on the top front of the building can be easily spotted from afar. once reaching the glass doors, i took a deep breath before finally going in, wishing that i could actually achieve my goal.

so, back in the present, there is me, wondering, 'what the hell went wrong?'

here i am, a second year, with three friends, eating tasteless cafeteria food in me and my roommate's apartment table, discussing about our final test which was to compose a song and to sing it in front of the headmaster, himself, along with our teachers, and an alumni.

guess luck still isn't on my side, huh?