My Love, My Saviour, My Student 2 • Shawn Mendes

19.

Faye Dawson
A week had passed since that day. I hadn't slept for more than two hours a night. I only ate a little meal a day and was spending all my time at the hospital. I couldn't go to my lectures. Not while Shawn was in such a fragile state. The doctors checked him around five times a day. I was worried that something would happen and I wouldn't be there. When I looked in the mirror I didn't recognise myself half the time. I realised that my face was sunken in, and I realised I had lost weight as many of my clothes didn't fit me like they once did. Any time I wore one of Shawn's hoodies it would feel so much bigger than usual.

"I'm worried about you" Thomas said as I sat in a small coffee shop with him.
"There's no reason to be worried. I'm fine" I said sipping on my mocha.
"There's nothing of you. Your eyes are so dark and I can't remember the last time I saw you eat a substantial meal" he said.

Thomas had been checking in with me every day and coming down to visit every other day. He tried to get me to sleep by cuddling me in bed. He cooked me food to try and get me to eat but it was no good. All I did was worry about Shawn. Every thought in my mind was Shawn. I was so grateful to have someone like Thomas, and felt guilty he was focusing all of his attention on me, and I couldn't give him one hundred percent of my time and attention. I didn't deserve him. But with Shawn being in the fragile state that he was in, I couldn't focus on much more than him.

"I'm eating. I'm ok. I'm just worried about Shawn that's all" I shrugged.
"I'm surprised you agreed to meet me outside of the hospital. You're there almost twenty four seven" Thomas said and I nodded.
"I'm just worried something will happen and I'm not there"
"What could happen? What are you so worried about?"
"I'm worried that he'll wake up and I'm not there for him. I'm worried that he'll wake up and ask for me and I'm not there. I want him to know how much I love him and how much I want to be there for him. I'm worried that he'll die and I am not there to say goodbye." I said letting a small tear fall from my tired eye.
"You really love him, don't you" Thomas sighed and I nodded.
"He's the one I want to be with" I told Thomas.
"I know"
"I'm sorry"
"What for?"
"I haven't been the best to you lately. And I'm sorry I want to be with Shawn" I said and he smiled to himself.
"You can't be sorry that you're in love with him Faye. I'm not mad or upset with you. Love is love" he said and it was my turn to smile. "I've missed that smile"
"I've missed you" I said and he rolled his eyes.
"I've seen you like every day"
"Still"
"Did you want me to drive you to the hospital?" Thomas asked standing up, putting his leather jacket on.
"Yes please."

Most of the drive was silent. I was almost too tired to talk and maintain a conversation.
"What will you do after today?" I asked as we sat in traffic.
"I can't afford to keep coming here. You know for the petrol and shit" Thomas said and I nodded.
"I'll be ok Thomas" I smiled but I knew he didn't believe me.
"I'll call you and FaceTime you every day" he said putting his hand on top of mine.
"I know" I smiled.

"Make sure you call me if anything happens ok?" Thomas said holding me in his arms as we arrived at the hospital.
"I will. Let me know when you arrive home ok?"
"Don't worry I will"
"Please drive safely. If you get tired of something promise me you'll stop driving. Don't be silly with it" I said enjoying the feeling of his arms wrapped around me.
"I promise. I'll see you soon"
Thomas gave me one last hug and placed a kiss to my forehead before throwing on a pair of sunglasses, getting back in his car, and driving away.

I sighed and walked inside the all too familiar hospital. I hated seeing all these sick people. It was upsetting, especially as I had to walk through the children's emergency care to get to Shawn's room. Seeing all those poor innocent babies and children just made me more sad than I already was.

"Could you picture yourself with children?" A familiar voice said behind me. I shrugged.
"I don't know."
"With Shawn?"
"Who knows if he'll even want me back after this."
"Ok ok all I'm asking is if you wanted to have children with him. He's a very good looking boy" Margo said and I rolled my tired eyes.
"You look sick. I almost didn't recognise you" Margo said and I shrugged.
"I'm fine. I'm always fine" I said walking away. She laughed and followed me.
"I'm half expecting you to collapse before you get there you look so sunken in" she said walking by my side.
We walked into Shawn's room and I smiled seeing his face having a bit more colour in it.

"He's actually been looking a lot better today. Anyways. I'll leave you two" Margo smiles walking back out of the white room.
I put down my bag and coat and opened the blinds. It was a sunny day with a small breeze. Slowly I opened the window and took in a deep breath, suddenly feeling very tired.

I sat in the chair beside Shawn's bed as I always did, and held his hand in mine. I rested my head on his bed and closed my eyes attempting to fall asleep.
But something was preventing me from falling asleep. There was this feeling in my stomach.
I tried to ignore it and go to sleep.
A few moments passed and I was finally beginning to feel sleepy.
But no matter what, my eyes wouldn't remain closed. I couldn't sleep. I lifted my head and ran my fingers through my hair.

I stood and walked over to my bag, grabbing my reading book out of it before going to sit on the side of Shawn's bed.
I began to read out loud, the final pages of Sense and Sensibility, the first play me and Shawn went to watch together.
"That was the night I knew I loved you" a voice whispered and I shrugged it off.
"I really need sleep my god I'm hearing things" I laughed to myself.
I carried on reading.
"All along my love, my heart,"
"It belonged to you" the voice.

I gasped and turned my head.

Tears filled my eyes and the book fell out of my hand and onto the ground.
"Miss me?" He grinned tiredly and I smiled, laughing a breathless laugh through my tears.
"Shawn" I said not believing he was really awake.
I crawled over to his face and with a shaky hand placed my hand on his now warm face. He looked at me with tired eyes and placed a hand over my own.
"Shawn I'm so sorry I should of come after you and done something I-I'm so sorry. But, I-I love you" I cried trying to smile.
"Kiss me" he whispered and I smiled and quickly but gently pressed my lips to his.
He was here.
He was ok.