Baby boy ✔️

31:

Staring at myself in the mirror I feel nothing but shame as I watch the girl before me hover over the basin looking for any sort of strength but coming up empty handed.

I did it. I saw it coming but I didn't think it would actually happen.

At first I thought it had just been a state of panic, maybe my nerves were playing up. Whatever it was I humiliated myself in front of Jakob by emptying my stomach right in front of him.

We hadn't spoke a word since I threw up, Jakob refused to let me say anything. Instead he led me to the closest bathroom where I clean myself up as best as I could and bought me a packet of him before getting us back on the bus to the hotel. When we had reached my room Nella was gone, I'm assuming to Tori and Vee's room - I almost feel sorry for them, key word is almost- leaving Jakob and I alone.

No doubt she thinks her plan for tonight is still in place but there was no way I would have gone through with it to begin with but now I highly doubt Jakob wants to sleep with he after I threw up right in front of him.

Masking up what little courage I have left I push myself off of the basin and make my way out of the bathroom and into the room where I find Jakob seated on the edge of the bed on his phone. As soon as he realises I'm out he shoot up off of the bed and comes towards me.

"Are you feeling any better?" He questions concern clear on his features as his hands clasped themselves on either side of me as if he was scared I would collapse right before him. If I'm being honest at the sight of him I think I might. I don't need his pity I'm the one who is in the wrong. He should be mad at me, he should hate me for what I've put him through.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I reassure him.

Suddenly his touch on my arms feels to heavy so I subtly walk out of his grip hoping I don't make it obvious and make my way to the comfort of my bed, well the bed Nella called dibs on but since she isn't here she can suck it.

"I googled what might help and Wikipedia said lemon and tea which you're in luck because the hotel has lemon tea bags in the minibar." He gestured to the cup of tea sitting on the bedside table.

"I just brushed my teeth." I grit my teeth together and open my mouth as if showing him my teeth was proof of my actions.

"I don't care. Doctors orders, you have to follow them, no exceptions." He fights back causing me to roll my eyes as I pick up the cup of hot tea and blow on it hoping to cool it down.

"You mean Wikipedia's orders." I correct as he takes a seat next to me on the other side of the bed.

Taking a small sip of tea I place the mug back on the table before turning back to Jakob. I need to tell him the truth before I loose the courage, or whatever courage I have left after what just happened.

"Jake, about before I-"

"Naz whatever it is it can wait, you're obviously not feeling well right now. I think we should just watch something and have a quite night." He cut me off frustrating me slightly.

"Jakob this can't wait." I fight back though deep down I know it's a failed attempt.

If I really wanted to tell Jakob I could easily blurt it out and be done with my but I don't want to. What if he hates me and never wants to talk to me again? I've lost so many people, myself included, I can't loose him. That's why I pushed him away to being with.