Baby boy ✔️

40:

The last thing I needed after the day I had was this. I can't remember the last time dad was home or awake when I had come home from school and now I had to cop this.

"How dare you embarrass this family like that in front of the Denton's" I roll my eyes at my dad words. That's right when I got home it wasn't a 'are you okay?' It was straight to the blame game as if everything happening right now was my fault. "This is where I draw the line. You're additive is disgusting and will not be tolerated."

Believe it or not but this wasn't about Jakob. From what I've gathered Mrs Denton, if she knows, didn't say anything about the dare to my parents. While they were out at lunch today Mrs Denton just asked how I was doing, that's it, and now I'm copping this rubbish.

"You will-"

I had had enough. This was not fair. This house was just as much as my home as anyone else's. I've given everything to this family and he wants to tell me I'm the embarrassment.

"What dad? Watch my mouth? Mind my manners? You don't get to be parents now that I'm all grown up. What are you possibly going to yell at me for this time? Because that's all you seem to ever do. That is not what being a parent is.

"When you left I was only eleven, I had barley started high school. Kasper was a baby and it's a miracle he turned out fine because he had his eleven year old sister raising him.

"When my so called mother left my so called father stopped caring. My baby bother and I grew up without parents and all you have to say is Nazarath watch you manners, pathetic! You're all so fucking pathetic! This family is fucked! This stupid life is fucked! Heck even I turned out fucked and it's all your fault." I couldn't even register what I was saying myself but my body was shaking, I couldn't stop crying and all I wanted to do was scream. I wanted to scream so loud my lungs would explode inside my chest.

This was insane. I was living a full blown nightmare. School was a sea of life sucking evil bitches and home was a war zone. Life couldn't seriously be this bad.

Before my dad even had any chance to respond, I didn't even bother looking to my mum, and turn away storming off towards my room.

I couldn't take it anymore. But I was completely helpless in this situation. Nella told me I could crash at her place whenever I felt like it but warned me that Zara and her newly born twins were a nightmare though I highly doubt they are any worse than this.

"Don't walk away from us." I hear the pathetic voice of my mother causing me to roll my eyes. We hadn't spoken at all and I didn't plan to any time soon. If I had my way I would go the rest of my life without talking to her. I just didn't care anymore. It had gotten to the point where I was asking what is the point?

"Why not? You both walked away from me." I shouted over my shoulder before making my way to my bedroom and slamming the door behind me.

I let out a long sigh and a thought crosses my mind. A stupid reckless thought that will get me into more trouble than I've even been in in my whole entire life.

I could just leave.

I could pack up and leave everything behind. I have my saving account and it's not like I need to worry about school anymore. I have no commitments here, nothing holding me back. All I've ever wanted was to get away, far far away and keep going, never stop.

For so long I've used the excuse of Kasper and Dad. They needed me. But now they don't. I was used when I was needed but now I'm disposable. I would obviously keep in touch with Nella, but other than that there is nothing else here for me. Nothing at all.

I would be giving up what little I have though. I would never get to see Kasper again and my dad would never talk to me. Would it be worth it? It would be to escape the witch living under this roof.

Taking in a deep breath I pace across the room to my draws and begin rummaging through them looking for what I would classify as absolute essentials. Everyone has a limit and I guess I've just reached mine.

***

I jolted up in my bed when I felt the bed shift. I've always been a light sleeper which has always been a pain in the butt but I suppose right now it's serving as a good thing. If an axe murderer ever break into the house I'll have warning enough to run away and make it out safe.

My furiously panicking heart rate eases when I see that it's only Kasper, he probably just had another nightmare and needed comfort. I suppose it's a good thing I didn't decide to leave tonight, the thought of Kasper having no one to comfort him after a bad dream makes me never want to leave at all but it's something I will need to do one day.

"Another bad dream?" I mumble turning around and wrapping my arms around Kasper as he cuddles into me. I feel him nod his head causing me to sign as I begin to play with the short strands of his soft hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The first few times Kasper had bad dreams he got so scared that it stopped him from doing a lot of things so I started a game with him to help him conquer his fears.

His first bad dream was that the house had gone up in flames so I painted some aluminium foil red and orange to mirror flames and scattered them across the floor in the house and dressed Kasper and I up as firefighters to put out the flames. Or there was the dream he had where he was drowning so I took him to the local pool and spent the whole day teaching him how to swim.

Since then we had made it a law to talk about his bad dreams and then come up with ways for him to overcome his fears. I hadn't seeing Kasper helpless, I suppose all these years I've kept him very sheltered, so I tried to teach him that you can overcome any bad situation no matter how horrific it is.

I suppose it's hypercritical now that the only thing I can think of doing is running. For someone who has taught my brother to be a fighter I suppose that makes me a bit pathetic.

"Why do you have a bag packed by you're door?" His voice cracks and I know that he's figured it out, Kasper is a smart kid it wouldn't have taken him long.

Not knowing how to reply I let out a long sigh and allow the silence that filled the room be response enough.

"You promised you wouldn't leave. Mum left and now you're going to leave. I don't want her here! I want you Naz!" He cries, his arms wrapping around my stomach and squeezing me tightly as if that would stop me from leaving.

Guilt consumes me. I was planning on doing to Kasper what she did to me. I was around Kasper's age when she left, and now here I was planning to leave.

I'm a monster.

All those years I wished for Kasper to have a motherly figure so he would grow up deprived and now that he had one I was standing in the way and forcing him to take sides. That wasn't right. My opinion of my mum shouldn't affect Kasper's.

"Kasper don't say that she's you're mum." I sigh sitting up Kasper following in my suit. "You need a mum, you've never had one, you don't need me."

"I don't need her, I need you. I don't love her, I love you Naz. I don't want her if that means you will leave." By now Kasper is sobbing which only makes the disgust I feel towards myself grow.

I know I shouldn't be pushing this women who is a stranger to Kasper onto him but he needs his mother, that's what will be best for him. I can't expect him to understand though, he's just a child. But I know how he feels. She's a stranger he knows nothing about, he's familiar with me, he doesn't know her.

I don't know what to do or say right now. I don't know how I should be going about this. Is there even a right way to do this?