THE VISION IS A PLACE | ✓ {complete}

Chapter 44 : fireflies

    I don't know what Heath said to Noah on their walk after we listened to Kent's tape, but Noah didn't show to dinner and Heath didn't want to talk about it. He tried to act like it didn't bother him, and told us not to worry, but I've decided to come out here anyway. Everyone else is busy. Addison and Jai are in the kitchen doing dishes, Brandon is looking at maps in the living room—now that he finally gets to know where we are—and Heath and Anna have gone to discuss something about the new house while there's still a little bit of daylight. That means I'm free to go look for Noah on my own.

I don't think he would have gone back to Jacobi's house. I think he's out here, in the woods somewhere. He does this a lot, even when he's not mad. Sometimes he'll be gone for hours, just turning over old logs, looking for insects and snakes. Or, he'll be at his sit spot by the river, waiting to see a muskrat or a raccoon come to wash its paws. Last week he spotted a Fisher. He said he watched it for an hour straight, following it down stream.

Noah is really good at seeing things; sometimes, if he waits long enough, the animals come to him. One time he fell asleep under a spruce tree and when he woke up there were a bunch of deer sleeping all around him. Another time, last winter, when he was walking east on the frozen river early in the morning, a lynx passed by him, as if they were two strangers sharing a sidewalk. That was a good day. He ran back to the house and woke us up because he couldn't wait to tell us. With his skin still rosy from the cold, he crawled around the room, over our half asleep bodies to show us how it moved. He loves those encounters, but he says seeing the animals isn't the goal of tracking. The goal, he says, is to read the signs left behind in the landscape and connect the pieces, just enough as to where you're able to see the bigger story woven in the details. It's about listening, with your eyes, your heart, your touch and your intuition... You see the ghost of the animal through its tracks.

I duck into the woods just behind the tool shed and start thinking about where he might be. Through the branches I can see Anna and Heath walking back up from the cob cottage. I hide behind a tree, and move with their line of sight until they pass, so I can go down to the house. From there, I'll follow the river West.

Some minutes into my walk I hear some rustling in the leaves behind me. "Noah?" I ask in a hushed voice. There's no answer so I keep walking, and when I'm finally far enough from the main house, I call out his name through cupped hands. Just as I do, a deer bursts from the trees to my right, launching itself over the river in one graceful bound. "Woah," I whisper, my hand flying to my chest to calm my startled heart. I look to where she came from in case there are others. There's been a deer hanging around Jai's tent in the orchard lately with her fawn. I wonder if it's the same one.

I squint into the shadowy woods. I see something, but it's not a fawn and I'm suddenly not so sure that I was the one to scare the deer off. The pine needles on the ground, ten feet in, are letting off a faint green glow. I slowly pan my eyes up to meet the source. My heart won't slow down.

The light is back and closer than ever before.

I watch it closely until it starts to dim. "Wait," I whisper, but it's too late. It's gone out. I start walking towards where it was, only to see it reappear again. This time it's right at the river's edge, hovering as if it heard me— as if it's waiting.

Again, it dims, this time reappearing on the other side. Tonight was supposed to be the night I followed it. I was going to go searching for it again, but instead it's Noah I'm looking for. I'm torn over what to do.

I squint upstream in case there are any signs of him. It's that time in the evening when you can feel the landscape more than you see it. Everything seems to have taken on a heavy reticence. It's like the coming night has absorbed all of the usual sounds and movements of the forest. Even the river seems muted. He's not here. And if he is, then he obviously doesn't want to be found. Not even by me. For all I know, he could be back at the house already. So, I choose the light.