Our Secret

Chapter 12

Ian:

Fuck. Of course, out of all the people who could have walked in on us, it was Jasper. I quickly backed away from Noah, my heart beating out of its chest. Had Jasper seen me hugging Noah?

"Bro, what the fuck did you do to him?" Jasper marveled. He seemed oddly excited to have walked in.

"I was... umm... it's not what you think." I babbled lamely. Fuck.

"Well, it looks like you just beat the living shit out of this douche." Jasper sarcastically responded. Thank fucking god, he thought I had just attacked Noah, not hugged him.

"Oh, well I guess it is what it looks like." I sighed in relief.

I took a quick glance at Noah and immediately regretted it. His eyes shot daggers through my heart, as his anger and sadness were clearly seen through his glassy eyes. His face showed only betrayal, and I wished that Jasper had never walked into the gym. I wanted to just hug Noah, but I couldn't.

"Bro, there's a party tonight at Alison's house, you should totally go." Jasper almost demanded. He seemed to have forgotten about Noah lying on the floor.

"Umm, I got family stuff tonight, I'll be there next time man." I replied. Though I didn't want to admit it, I was really wishing Jasper would just walk out of the room already. Why was he taking so long?

"Alright man, I'm gonna go shower, see ya later." Jasper quipped, faking sadness as he strutted out the door.

As soon as he was outside the gym doors, I turned towards Noah, reaching my hand out to him.

"Noah are you...." I started, but Noah hit my hand away before I could do anything about it. I realized tears had started to form at his eyes.

"You don't care about me!" Noah screamed.

"That's not true." I replied, attempting to settle him down. I reached my hand out towards him again, but he hit it away.

"You don't fucking care about me if you did you wouldn't have lied to Jasper! You're fucking ashamed of me, ashamed of being gay!" Noah shouted, getting up all by himself.

"That's not fair." I muttered, starting to lose my temper.

"What's not fair, that your too much of a fucking asshole to even help me up when another guy is in the room!" Noah jutted, getting into my face, "You're too worried about your popularity to even recognize me around other people!"

"At least other people actually care about me!" I shouted. Noah went silent.

What in the fuck did I just do? His fucking father had just beat him up, and I decided to let him know no one else cared about him.

"Noah I'm... I didn't mean it...I..." I stammered. I was such a shithead.

"No." Noah nearly whispered, "your right, no one cared about me."

Noah started to bawl, taking a seat next to the bleachers. The tears he cried mixed with the fresh blood on his cheeks as they poured down his face. After a while, I took a seat next to him, putting my arm around him.

"I care about you." I whispered into his ear, as he leaned into me, nestling his head into my neck. 

I just held him, for what felt like forever. Before long, I felt myself crying. How was it that after only a week of being with Noah, I had shared so many personal moments with him? 

"I...I think you should see something." I finally gulped. After the things I had just said to Noah, I knew he deserved something in return.

"What?" Noah questioned. I could see the confusion in his eyes, but I couldn't just tell him yet.

"You'll see, it's back at my house." I responded.

We got back into my car and started to drive back to my house. Despite Noah's constant demand for what I going to show him, I didn't give in. This was going to be a surprise that would be worth the wait.

We opened the door of my house slowly, making sure not to disturb anyone in my house. Lucky for us, both my parents were already in bed. As soon as I closed the door, Noah broke the silence.

"What do you want to show me." He asked. I could see the suspense was starting to get to him, and I didn't want to leave him waiting.

"Come here." I beckoned. As he walked over, I pulled something out from under my bed.

"Is that... your notebook?" Noah asked, clearly more confused than before.

"Just....read it." I replied, "It'll make sense after your done."

Noah opened my notebook, and I could feel my heart start to beat uncontrollably. 

He opened to the first page in the book. He looked absolutely shocked, as he should have been. I knew for a fact that 30/31 pages of my notebook were filled with... erotic drawings. Noah scanned through them, in what seemed to be awe.

"These... are incredible Ian." Noah breathed, impressed at my artistic talent.

"Umm... thanks... I just kinda started this notebook over the summer, after I found it in the back of my closet." I muttered, feeling my face turn red.

He kept scanning through the pages of my notebook until he got to a page with writing.

"Isn't this from middle school?" Noah asked. I could feel my heart going wild.

"Umm, yeah." I answered, and Noah started reading the text.

(notebook)

I don't know why I started writing today, I just had to. This will be my first, and final entry in this notebook. I don't talk about my feeling with anyone, but I feel like I have to say something. I think I might be gay. The reason I believe I may be gay is that I have been having... feelings towards someone, Noah Fay. I have never talked to him in person, nor do I ever think I will get the courage too, but there is just something incredible about him. I find myself just thinking about him during every spare moment. Everything about him just seems perfect. Even though I will surely destroy this letter soon after I write it, I know there is something I want to say. I want to say that, Noah, I like you, and I'm gay. I know I will never, ever show thing to anyone, but if someone is reading it, that means your a very special person to me.

Sincerely,

Ian Pierce 8th grade

To finish it off, there was an a picture of his face (from back in eighth grade) I remembered the hours I had spent making it look just right. 

"Why didn't you... when did... how?"  Noah sputtered. His surprise wasn't well hidden, as he was clearly shocked.

"I didn't find the letter until after you gave me back the notebook." I started, "I read through it, and almost destroyed it, but something made me stop. I just.... couldn't."

Noah looked at me and pulled me into a passionate kiss. His thigh found it's way around my waist, and I pulled him in tighter. In between kisses, Noah whispered softly into my ear.

"Your amazing Ian, absolutely amazing"

Hey guys. I am SOOO sorry about this. I just kept getting worse, and I wasn't allowed to even touch my computer or phone. Thanks to everyone who is still reading. Comment down below what you thought was in Ian's notebook.