Blanket Of Stars | jensoo

and so it begins...

Isn't it weird how your eyes see something over and over again yet they skip over an essential detail? Something you should have noticed right away and figured it out just as fast.

I stopped believing in the tooth fairy the day after I paraded the gummy gap between my teeth with pride, excited to slip into my dreams only to wake and find money underneath my pillow to spend on candy to speed the money process up for the next tooth.

I woke up with four quarters under my pillow, one whole dollar to spend on whatever my heart desired, to say I was happy would be the understatement of the year.

The flawed grin of mine was quickly wiped off my face when I found out my brother had received one whole dollar, too. I didn't believe in coincidence, that was cleverly planned by my conniving parents.

I was bitter for a long time, it was atleast two hours before I got over it and ate a dollars worth of pain and betrayal in the form of pop rocks.

I think I had a sugar high for about a week.

One of my favourite Christmas memories is when I was about 7, I woke my parents up at 6:30 in the morning and they told me to go back to bed and wake them in 10 minutes, so I did. I sat on my bed trying to imagine the gifts Santa had given me. When I was certain 10 minutes had passed I woke them up again and smiled when I saw my mothers exhausted features, she looked funny.

It was another 20 minutes before we could wake Jin, he wouldn't get out of bed and I didn't understand why, I mean for the love of god it was Christmas, you don't sleep in on Christmas, that's what the new year is for.

Jin was always first to walk downstairs and then it was me, I don't know who was first out of my parents and back then I could have cared less, I wanted to know what materialistic goods Santa had brought me for being such a good girl most of the year.

I still remember the sound that left my lips when I saw an unwrapped Jungle Book video on the floor by the front door, and I still remember pushing past Jin to pick it up and claim it as my own.

My father told me Santa must have dropped it on his way out and I nodded in agreement, clutching the VHS tape to my chest.

It wasn't until a few years later I realised they should have left it by the chimney.

I was always a little slow.

I never realised at the time that on all of the gift tags when it was signed 'Santa xx' it was my mothers handwriting.

I'd give anything to see her handwriting now.

For the last week I've been sleeping on the couch, I don't really sleep, I just rest. I think a lot. Jennie has been down here every night. It's never a specific time, I think she has insomnia. She puts music on so soft I can barely hear it and falls asleep a few hours later, next to me.

She's sleeping now, I think she forgot she was cooking a hot pocket. I don't want to chance her waking up and seeing oven gloves in mid air, holding her black hot pocket. She'll ask for the water to be tested. Instead, I flick the light switches rapidly, she flinches and moves a cushion over her face. Seconds pass by and her limp hand notifies me she's fallen back into her dreams.

Yeah well, life isn't a dream, hot pockets are at stake.

If I'm honest, I don't care about the hot pocket. I don't want my house to burn down.

I've been practising my communication skills. You'd think if you have a voice it would be a piece of cake but if that's true, my cake is stale.

My practising hasn't done a lot of good yet, the only other time Jennie heard me call her name was at the exact time her dad decided to sneeze and ruin it. She looked up but it didn't keep her attention like I had hoped it would.