Save Me

Chapter 19: I NEED YOU

Ava:

Numb. I feel numb.

The moment I realized I had lost my best friend I felt my heart shatter to pieces.

He wasn't here anymore, he wasn't with me. He wouldn't laugh with me. He wouldn't share this miserable world with me. He wouldn't make it a little more bearable by enveloping me in his love. He wouldn't save me as I saved him.

Love me when no one else did.

He was gone.

I felt as if I was falling and there was nothing to catch me, I felt nothing but the huge slice taken from my heart because Toby wasn't here anymore.

My world was being pulled from under me.

I walked towards his hospital room and I saw him laying there, his face scraped up, bruises and cuts everywhere from being hit. Pale from not being alive anymore.

I walked towards his bed and I lay next to him to feel him...one last time. The last time I would hold my best friend,

"Toby, please, please don't leave me."

I feel my tears run down my cheeks as my chest constricts from the pain I feel. I grip his hospital gown and shake him.

"Please To..Toby, I can't do this without you! Not here not in this world, please! Toby! I am so sorry, I promise I'll never push you away just please stay with me, I need you! You promised me you'd be there, you promised me a life together remember? Please Toby, don't leave me alone, I was so lonely without you please don't leave me, you're my best friend....please...I love you..."

"Don't do this to me," I start to whisper, "I love you, Toby, I can't continue without you, please just wake up, we can get married, we'll have as many kids as you want, I promise I'll stop hurting myself but please just come back to me.." I look at him and kiss his lips with hope that he'll wake up and kiss me back,

I cry onto his chest,

He's not coming back.

My world has collided in this moment and I let out cries that I haven't cried since the loss of my mom,

I'll never see his smile again, his beautiful smile. I won't feel his warmth again.

Every memory of him is now painful because they will always just be memories,

There will never be new ones, there will never be a feeling of him there, it will always be vacant as now the piece of my heart is too without him.

I'll always cry for him and his love, that I'll never be able to feel again.

James:

I stand at the door of the hospital room watching Ava's despair and longing for her best friend who's now just a body next to her.

I never thought this would happen and I never expected to witness Ava in so much sorrow and pain again.

My soul feels like its taking a beating from how much pain lingers around her.

His injuries were too extensive and his head hitting the pavement left him without another breath to take.

Another person whose left her, another person she'll long for...

I walk towards her and carry her off of him as the nurses come to take him down to the morgue.

She goes limp in my arms as she cries hard into my chest, I sit her on my lap as I cradle her on the couch. I hold her tight hoping that somehow she'll feel some comfort but I know it's in vain.

"Toby! No! No no! James please, not him, it should've been me! I should've died not him!"

I am left stunned by her words as she yells them through her cries, I look down at her with my mouth open, with her eyes streaming tears, she continues,

"Please James no, please no not Toby, I love him James not my best friend James please, oh God"

I hold her tighter with her face at the crook of my neck as I stroke her back and rock her back and forth.

I feel the tears forming in my eyes as I hear her painful pleas for this to be a dream.

"Please God no, Toby no! James please, I can't go on without him, he promised me James he promised!"

I rock her for hours it seems until she finally falls asleep. I take a look at her and give her a kiss on her forehead as I let my tears freely go down and pray that we make it out of this.

Authors note:

I lost my best friend two years ago around this time...he was the most amazing, sweet, and loving person I've ever met. His love could reach millions and now I'm left with memories and stories to tell to remember him. This chapter is to get a glimpse into the sorrow I felt at that time. It was not easy to write this but it was a defining moment in my life. My redemption through this pain is still being written...as will Ava's.

Thanks for reading.

Rest in love J.