If you love Matt and think he's underrated, today is your lucky day. In all honesty, I don't think of Matt too much, but I'm sure writing some headcanons for him would be fun 😤👊👊
Let's begin
Age •My mans is 25 as of the end. Young man. I know all the boys went to the same grade as each other from that poweredd episode BUT fuck logic, it's a cartoon
•When he was forced to join the Red Army, I'd say he's around 28-32,,I'd like to think Tord "recruited" Tom and Matt after the end when he was like around 33, so Matt could be a solid 29 in the army 😡😡😡
•Man, imagine being forced into the army in your late twenties
•Future Matt, in WTFUTURE, is probably in his late thirties.
•Was held back a grade-
Sexual Orientation •Honestly? He never thought about it. All he cares about is himself and himself only. I'd say he is bisexual. As in, he'd fuck himself and he'd fuck his female self too.
•I like the headcanon that Matt is asexual, but the main reason people hc that is because they connect being an oblivious idiot to asexuality and I don't like that. besides, matt fucked the shit out of himself uhhhh,,, movie makers,,,, remember
Ethnicity/Nationality •Has some Irish in him, just a lil
•Probably got most of the pure british™ from his dad (LMAO HIS DAD PROBABLY LEFT HIM OH FUCK) and some Irish from his mom. Yup. Shut up, I can totally see it
•Wanted to speak French at one point in his life so he could seduce himself with that good ol' romantic language, but obviously that failed.
Body Type •He's a lean boyo poyo. Not too skinny, not too muscular. the perfect model body uhhhhh shhhhh
•Body hair where? Nope, doesn't have any, I,,,
•6'2 1/2
•Matt can be fit one day and then lose himself in desserts the next. FUNNILY ENOUGH HIS METABOLISM IS PRETTY FUCKING HIGH SO THAT GINGER DOESNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GAINING WEIGHT
•Has this bitch never had pimples? Clear ass skin from the womb to adulthood. Doesn't get breakouts from eating junkfood. Maybe that's why he loves himself so much smh
•Freckles. Definitely freckles. Not the fucking completely covering his entire skin to the point that all you can see is red, but just enough to be spotted from his face to his back.
•HATES THE SUN. Sometimes this mother fucker has to drown himself in sunscreen just to go out to the store in the summer, because he MUST protect his sensitive skin. I bet he carried an umbrella in clear weather many times just like a vampi.. wait.. vampire...
•Triangle torso but not as heavy as Tord
•He got small hands,,, he hates to admit it, but he does. Don't mention it to him or the ginger WILL. go. feral.. i-
Personality •Really, he's not as stupid as he's made out to be. Sure, he's slower and more oblivious than most people, but that's fine.
•When Matt says something, everyone brushes it off or thinks it's stupid. But in actuality, whatever he said was correct and it occurs. FOR EXAMPLE: Red Leader giving an audio-only speech on live television? Matt says that voice is familier, but everyone brushes him off like he's crazy
•legit kinda miss the pre-legacy matt more,, more assholey, edgy grey hoodie,,
•He cares a lot about his friends, but that fact often gets drowned out by his narcissism. Feels hurt when someone claims that he is a bad friend
•never went through an emo phase. hwhwherrrhe, emo bands who? mother fucker listened to britney spears or pink floyd when he was younger,, secretly named out to marilyn mason at one time BUT IF YOU EVER BRING THAT SHIT UP, HE GOES FERAL.
•HE'S NOT. A SMOL. BEAN. Y'all forgetting how much of an asshole Matt was in the past? Just because he's an oblivious idiot doesn't mean he doesn't know what sex is. Guys c'mon, he ain't innocent at all. Remember his zombie army?
•Main reason why he's.. well, himself, is because of his lack of discipline as a child and how his mom completely spoiled him. Think Richard from The Amazing World Of Gumball.
Skills •Matt's only occupation that he can handle is modelling. Man had hardly passing grades in community college, mainly because he loved to party and procrastinate. Agents hate his ego but love his bod, so Matt gets hired anyways even if his ass failed an interview.
•Not a skill, but he loves milk. Especially milkshakes. Considers his m&m yogurt to be a very healthy meal ahsysdkrksksk
•Flexable. DOES YOGA. His reason for learning that shit? To look good. I bet he helped Tord with his flexibility, and Tord sometimes attended Matt's yoga class. Remember, Tord gotta train those high kicks.
•The only thing he can cook is cookies. Burns or leaves shit in the oven for any other recepies. But cookies? My mans can ace that shit and that shit only. Specialty is peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.
•Luck. Don't know if that's considered a skill, but he's very lucky in convenient situations. For example, motherfucking assasin wants to kill Matt? Matt dodged a sniper bullet because he bent down to grab a lucky quarter. Walked home safe that entire night without noticing the bullets flying by him.
•Envading taxes. Actually everyone in Eddsworld envades their taxes, and Tord's the best at it. However Matt doesn't even know he has to pay taxes so that's why he doesn't pay em 😔👊👊
•Makeup. Surprisingly, he doesn't stab his eye with the mascara brush. I bet he helps Tord with his makeup whenever that muscular man wants to fucking cosplay as hatsume miku. Funny how I keep mentioning Tord in these even though TordMatt is my least favorite ship (NO OFFENSE TO TORDMATT SHIPPERS)
Future Matt •fuckkk. big difference.
•Future Matt is.. Much more mature, to say the least. The army changed the fuck out of him. Tord knows how to make a solider out of anybody, even a spoiled brat. How do you turn a spoiled kid into a soldier? Discipline. Lots of discipline.
•Reason for his metal jaw and eye? Oh, you know
•his metal eye can detect far away targets, zoom in, and check up on a person's data based on their face. tom can do the same, but tom has more features.
•Matt's role in the army is to hunt down targets alongside with Tom, and their current one is Edd. They make a good team, surprisingly. Tom can definitely handle Future Matt much more than Matt, so that could be a reason why their relationship is much better.
•Matt is still narcissistic, but toned it down a whole fuck ton. My poor man hardly has time to catch up on beauty sleep and take care of himself.
•More fit and muscular than his younger self. Has to of course
Random •Uses that rose-smelling from the fiji springs shampoo bullshit
