Growing up (Get Scared- continued)

Fear Food

(Trigger warning for eating disorders. You better not be triggering yourself :( )

Nick's pov.

Johnny and I settle down to eat. He said "I need to feed you, so coffee will have to wait," before dragging me to the I hop at the end of the shopping center. 

We get a booth and sit across from each other. The waitress asks us what we'd like to drink. Johnny asks for a Pepsi, since coke products aren't available here apperantly, and I ask for water. Well at least I tried to.

"Lemonade, you want lemonade," Johnny cut in.

"I want w-"

"He'll take a lemonade," He tells the waitress.

She looks at us confused, but takes the order anyways. She walks away and towards the kitchen to place our drinks.

"What the hell?" I question.

"Bud, you're hella underweight and you've been walking around all day. So none of that zero-calorie shit."

Zero-calorie echoes through my head. I should be having zero-calorie drinks and not eat anything.. Right? It's how I have been.

No. Nick. Stop.

I have to eat. I have to eat high sugar and high calorie foods. Things with protein and nutrients.

That's good, you'll gain weight and be healthy again.

I don't want to be healthy, I want to be thin. I want people to look at me and wonder how I lost weight. I want to stop being called fat. I want to stop looking at myself and seeing rolls of fat on my stomach and big thighs that jiggle at every slight movement.

My hands start shaking. I can't stop thinking about eating. What if I gain too much weight? What if I get picked on again?

Johnny waves his hand infront of me. "Hello, Earth to Nicholas." 

I look up at him with fear in my eyes.

"Woah, are you okay?" he asks, "shit. Did I trigger something?"

With body language only I say "kinda." 

"Fuck. I'm sorry, Nick. What's going on?"

"I.. Can't.. Er.. Uh... Food."

That's all I could manage to say to him. Incomprehensible stuttering. Wow as if I wasn't embarrassing myself enough. 

"I have never dealt with an eating disorder before, so I have no idea how you feel, or how to help you, really," he tells me, "but uh, what I do know is that if your body doesn't get the right amount of nutrients, it'll stop working and you'll die. And im not gonna let you die."

"I mean if I don't die from cardiac arrest, I'll probably die by overdose," I say in a joking voice, even if its not a joke.

"You need to get help, Nick. Start opening up more. Let your walls down," he tells me.

I laugh awkwardly, "there's a side of me no one ever sees. This side will always be guarded by walls."

The waitress brings us the drinks. It's just lemonade, Nick, you're gonna be fine. Plus Johnny is right you need more calorie dense foods. And drinks. Starving is painful.

I take a straw and hit it vertically against the table to push it out of the wrapper, then submerge it in to the cup. 

Johnny's pov. 

We've been at I hop for about half an hour now. We've already been brought our plates full of pancakes and eggs. I've already eaten most of my food and feel satisfied. Nick on the other hand has been stalling.