Growing up (Get Scared- continued)

End (Version 1) For those who like the dark

Lloyd's pov

A sudden feeling of severe anxiety pulses through me; it urges me to walk faster, like something terrible is about to happen to me. My breath becomes unsteady and my hands begin to tremble and become numb.

NO!

I'm supposed to be relaxed, I'm supposed to be enjoying my venture for bones. Fuck anxiety; I'm gonna let myself feel good for once.  There's absolutely no reason I should feel nervous, so I won't. I just gotta calm my mind from whatever is making me uneasy.  

I sit by a tree and pick up one of the many sticks that had been laying around. I start to doodle in the dirt. Most of it is simple art like music notes, smiley faces, and that S everyone draws on literally everything. I tried to doodle a dog, but he looks deformed and disinterested in life. Me too, dirt dog.

The air courses through my hair, pushing it over to the wrong side of my face.  I fix my hair back to the right side, to notice that my hands aren't shaking violently anymore. I did it! I managed to calm myself before having a panic attack! Can't wait to brag about my new abilities to not stop breathing. Haha, I don't brag.

As the night begins to set in I start to head home. The sky is pink, orange, and purple as the clouds gently pass through it. I love sunsets like this, it's one of the small things I appreciate about life. 

Realizing I'm a bit lost, I start to feel slightly panicked again. What if I never find my way home? What if I start to get hungry and resort to eating rats and rocks? What if I go insane and rip all my clothes off, believing that I am one with nature. That I am, in fact, a flying squirrel and shove nuts in my cheeks and start jumping out of trees. 

Why am I like this? 

CALM DOWN BRADLEY YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT HOME!

I keep walking forward. I should've left bread crumbs just laying around, maybe I would've at least found a house made of candy. I look up at the sky, wishing that I knew how to tell where I am by the location of the sun. 

THINK LLOYD THINK!

If I can see the sunset from the window upstairs that faces the backyard, that means I need to walk away from the sunset, and eventually, I'll make it back to where there are houses. Hopefully.

I turn left.

After walking past a big tree I see something odd. My heart starts racing as I slowly start to understand what I'm looking at. 

It's Nick.

I run towards him and immediately start tugging on the rope, begging it to let go of the tree branch. Finally the rope snaps and we come tumbling down.  I roll Nick on to his back and pull the noose off his neck enough for him to breathe. There's already bruising where the rope was..

And he's not breathing.

"Nick, Come on, you can't die," I say to him. Then start to yell, "NICHOLAS, WAKE UP!"

I try to give him compressions as I learned in health class. Feeling his chest sink and raise under my hands sickens my stomach. The fear of not being able to save him twists my intestines in every possible direction. 

29, 30, 31, 32

I pinch his nose, tilting his head back, then breathe into his mouth. 

Back to those damn compressions. 

I start screaming for help. Louder than I have ever screamed at any video game, at any difficult riff, at any concert. I can feel my vocal cords strain at every painful call for anyone to rescue him. 

"PLEASE! SOMEBODY! HE'S DYING! I NEED HELP!"

No one comes.

I've been doing CPR on my best friend for what feels like hours. The compressions are getting weaker as my arms start getting tired. Fuck. 

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

I pick him up and bolt towards what I think is home. 

"This the only time I'll thank you for being this thin," I mutter. 

After what feels minutes of running I finally see the street. I'm like 4 houses away from his house, but luckily there are people who can help.

"SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" I screech.

I set him down and people start rushing towards us. 

A woman asks, "what happened?"

I tell her that I don't know that I just found him in his attempted suicide.

Other adults start giving him CPR again, others go inside to call an ambulance. One of them recognizes Nick and runs to his house to get his parents. 

It starts to sink in. This time I can't calm down or even tell myself that I'll be okay because part of me knows I was too late. My heart starts pounding loudly in my ears. Suddenly, I throw up on the grass, not being able to digest the situation. As I wipe the vomit off my face with my sleeve, my next-door neighbor, Mrs. G, looks over at me and asks if I want her to find my parents. I accept her offer but stay behind to make sure Nick is okay.

Someone comes out of their house to tells that the ambulance will be here in 10 minutes.

As the commotion gets louder, people start stepping out of their houses to check out the situation; that includes Johnny's family.

 They approach the scene and when Johnny sees me he asks, "what's going on?" But before I could answer, he was finally able to see through the crowd. "What... What happened?" His voice is choppy and weak.

"I found him," I answer, "with a noose around his neck."

Sheila, who I hadn't noticed was here, starts to cry, "This was my fault! I wasn't there for him!"

Johnny hugs her, "This isn't your fault, Sheila, don't say that!"

My head starts spinning with thoughts as I watch the two people giving Nick CPR get more and more frustrated. His parents run up to the crowd and push people out of the way to be able to see Nick.

His mom starts crying and his father pulls her into a hug, trying to tell her that he's gonna be okay.

This is my fault. I should've listened to that bad feeling I had. I should have done more for him. I don't even know what was going with him these last few days. I fall to my knees in grief and agony. There's nothing I can do, and that's killing me from the inside out.

The ambulance finally arrives. I get asked questions as they pull out an AED. They hook him and shock him in attempts to start his heart again. His body jolts up, but it's still lifeless and cold. After 2 attempts they start calling an estimated time of death.

"NO! YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE UP! YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM!" I shout at the paramedics. 

"Honey, I'm sorry, but he's gone."

"NO, HE'S NOT!" I yell and start hitting her out of anger and desperation. 

Johnny hugs me from behind and starts pulling me away from the paramedic. "I'm sorry Lloyd."

"NO! PLEASE! I CAN'T LOSE MY BEST FRIEND!"