Growing up (Get Scared- continued)

HeartAche

Johnny's pov

I've been laying in bed for the last 2 hours trying to fall asleep. It hasn't really been a good day in terms of my depression. It's one of those, "I rather sleep away everything I feel, rather than actually fixing the problem" days. And it sucks. Mostly because I can't fall asleep and I'm getting really irritable and restless. 

I hear a knock on my door.

"What do you want?" I yell, knowing it's Sheila. My parents never come to my room and if they do, they don't knock, they just burst in.

She opens the door and the first thing I notice is her red face full of tears. Her hand trembles as she takes it off the door knob.

"Who do i need to murder?" I immediately ask with a mix of sympathy and anger in my voice. 

She sits on my bed, trying to speak through her sobs. "No- one. Don't ki-kill anyone."

"Fine. What's wrong though?"

"I just broke up with Nicholas."

Then why are you sad? "Why?"

"'Cause he's been really cold lately. He pushes me away and refused to let me touch him. He acts like I'm a fucking plague and then refuses to tell me what's wrong," she explains, " and I didn't want to be in a relationship like that. But I still really like him." she starts crying harder.

I'm going to beat his face in. I don't care if he's emotionally unstable. He's an idiot if he thinks he can treat Sheila like that.

"Well he's being a Dick, and you did the right thing by leaving him. You deserve better."

I pull her into a hug. I swear I'm going to break his nose. 

"Please don't go beat him up,  Johnny, I don't think he's trying to be a dick."

"Well he's still doing it. And since its hurting your feelings, I think I want to hurt his entire body."

"Johnny.."

"Fine. I won't throw his 20 pound body across the room." Woah okay that was too mean. I take that back. 

Lloyd's pov. (Next day)

It's kinda cold outside, so I put on my most comfortable blue hoodie. Its kinda sad that it fits a bit small since I never seem to stop growing. Just keep getting taller and taller unti I'm one of the tallest freshman at my school. But regardless of the fact the sleeves don't reach my hands, it's still warm and cozzy. 

Walking around the forest alone is honestly really depressing. I'm so used to having Nick and/or Johnny with me. The silence is unsettling. All I can hear is my feet crushing the dried up leaves that have fallen and my disgusting breathing coming from my stuffy nose.

I wonder if this kind of creepy silence is the one that drives people to hang theselves in that forest in Japan. When all they have is their thoughts to drive them mad. They say that forest is haunted.

I wonder if this forest is haunted. Maybe one day Johnny, Nick and I can get an Ouija board out here to see what happens. Maybe we'll make unwanted eternal friends. Or get possessed. Or die. Or maybe nothing will happen at all. Or maybe Johnny will start moving it trying to scare us. Wouldn't that be fun.

Getting further and further from the tree house I started off at, my surroundings become less and less familiar. I don't usually roam this far away, but there's no harm in adventure. Who knows maybe I'll find a Utah Raptor fossil and make thousands of dollars from it. 

Johnny finds bones here all the time, who's to say I won't find a fucking dinosaur skeleton.

Nick's pov.

 (A/N this is a huge trigger warning for suicide, if you believe that you may be a danger to yourself, please stop reading now.)

I can't do this anymore. 

I can't live like this. Not with these nightmares, or this crippling fear and anxiety that crush my lungs. Not without Sheila or Lloyd or Johnny. 

It's time I just let go. I'm just hurting people. People who don't even deserve it. People I consider my best friends because I love them. This is the last time I cause them any damage. If I'm dead, all the pain will be lifted, mine and theirs.

My therapy appointment is in two hours and I don't plan on going. My parents wont find me at home. They'll look for me, but it'll be too late by then. I'll be gone.

With a rope in hand, my path through the forest begins. Just gotta find a tree that can sustain my weight, but be low enough for me to climb it. It's gotta be in place where Lloyd won't find me, but where I can be found eventually. I don't want to be eaten my vultures and other scavenging animals. Then again, I don't think I want to put anyone through finding my pathetic body hanging from a tree. 

Guess I'm gonna head to the deepest part of the forest.

It's weird, usually I'm scared of walking too far from home or the tree house because I'm scared of getting lost, but now knowing that I'm not coming back out, getting lost isn't a worry anymore. In fact, there's a bit of peace in knowing there will be no more suffering.  It's like death is calling me with open arms.

After like 10 minutes of taking different turns and going deeper and deeper into the woods, I decide on a tree. It's large, but has branches that aren't too high. Pushing a big rock towards the tree, I can feel its edges cut my hands, but I don't care.

As I tie the noose, tears fall on to my bleeding hands. It hurts. Soon the quiet falling tears, become loud sobs of anger and sorrow. I want to do this. I want it to be over, but suddenly I'm scared. I'm scared of never opening my eyes again. Scared of never being able to listen to music again. Scared of what's on the otherside.

Come on, Nick,  don't be a coward. I toss the rope over the branch and stand on the rock.

I can't believe it's ending this way.

 I'm sorry...

(I'm back! Kinda. .. Next chapter is actually not written like I had planned, but if I didn't get this out now, I would break my promise of getting shit done lol)