Growing up (Get Scared- continued)

Ending (version 2) For those who like the light

Lloyd's pov

A sudden feeling of severe anxiety pulses through me; it urges me to walk faster, like something terrible is about to happen to me. My breath becomes unsteady and my hands begin to tremble and become numb.

NO!

I'm supposed to be relaxed, I'm supposed to be enjoying my venture for bones. Fuck anxiety; I'm gonna let myself feel good for once. There's absolutely no reason I should feel nervous, so I won't. I just gotta calm my mind from whatever is making me uneasy.

But fuck I can't.

 A voice in my head is screaming at me to walk, and to walk quickly. I don't even know where I'm going, but the urge to find this place is rushing me. Or is it the urge to run away from what's behind me. All I know is that I don't have time to find out. A shock of adrenaline hits my body, and all my senses are enhanced and I start running faster than I ever have.

Go go go!

Something awful is about to happen...

Nick's Pov.

With the noose around my neck, the tension becomes greater. Suddenly, I'm not so sure I can go through with this anymore. All it would take is a step off this rock, and that'd be it. No more pain, no more tears or sleepless nights.... but also...No more music, or video games, or Lloyd. There would be nothing. I'd be a cold desolate body buried 6 feet underground getting decomposed by worms and bacteria. The possibility of an afterlife scares me. According to Christian beliefs, this is going to send me to hell where I'll be tortured forever by the hands of demons and devils.

But God, if you're really out there, please, just take me. 

Tears swell up in my eyes thinking about everything that I've been through. All the good and all the bad. From meeting Brad, and kissing Sheila, and playing out in the streets with Johnny, to getting hit in the face with a locker, to getting hospitalized, to those wretched nightmares (I still don't know if they were real or not.) to getting dumped. For the last few months, all I can really remember is the grey, fuzzy static that fogged my vision everywhere I went. No matter what I did, or who I was with, or even if how I felt, that static, that lethal static was always there, keeping me from being happy. 

Just take the step and it'll go away... It's better this way anyway.

I start to lean forward to kick the rock back. Footsteps start speeding towards me from behind.

"GO AWAY!" I scream, but the mysterious person doesn't listen and they wrap their arms around my knees to pick me up, forcing me up enough so there's no way I can asphyxiate myself. 

"TAKE THE NOOSE OFF!" He commands. There's anger and fear in his voice. Is that Bradley? How does he always manage to find me in bad situations, it's not even realistic. 

"LET GO OF ME!" I yell in desperation, "please Brad, I...I can't do this anymore." I start to bawl, gripping the noose around my neck as it stings my still bleeding hands.

"Take off the noose and I will let go... Please."

I finally do as told, and let the noose fall in front of me so he sees it. There's no way I could kill myself in front of him, it would traumatize him. He sets me down. As soon as I face him, he hugs me so tightly that I can barely breathe and I hug him back.

"I'm sorry," I start to cry, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Brad!"

Lloyd's Pov.

My heart is about to beat out of my chest. I can't believe I just saved Nick's life... I can't believe I almost didn't.

"It's okay. You're okay," I assure him and he starts crying harder. I can feel his entire body shaking and his chest rise and fall too fast for his own good. Doing the only thing I know calms him down, I rub his back and rock him side to side. I continue to say, "You're okay, Nick, You're okay."

I myself am really shaken as well, but I choose to focus on him to make him feel better. If he feels better, then I will too. 

We stay like this for what felt like at least 5 minutes and he finally relaxes enough to say more than "I'm sorry."

"How did you find me?" he asks me.

"I was just walking around here when I had a feeling like something bad was gonna happen, so I followed my instinct. Glad I couldn't ignore it, even when I tried to."

He looks over at the tree with the rope hanging from it, swaying back and forth. "I was so close..." Nick mumbles.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, I just snapped."

"I mean, what's been happening this past week. You've been so distant from everyone and started refusing to let anyone touch you. Then almost committed suicide just now," I say.

He sighs, making it obvious that he doesn't want to talk about it. Staring at the ground, facing his body away from me, he starts to answer, "I've been having nightmares."

"What are they about?"

"When I was a kid, my cousin tried to molest me, but my dad managed to hear me scream on time and busted in before he could do anything to me," he explains so quietly that I can barely make out what he's saying. "But in these nightmares, my dad doesn't hear me," he pauses, holding his breath, "and my cousin gets what he wants." 

"It's just a nightmare, he can't hurt you anymore, Nick."

"See, the thing is, now I don't know if I had just blocked out what he did from my memory. If I had just repressed the damage and convinced myself that my dad was there to save me. Maybe the nightmares were what actually happened. They feel real enough." Before I could think of how to respond, he starts to cry again, "and they make me feel so dirty. And that's why it's been so hard to let people touch me. 'Cause it just reminds me of the dreams, and it freaks me out. And I hurt Sheila by being stupid and she dumped me."

"I'm really sorry, Nick," I say, "Maybe you can ask your parents what really happened that day. Maybe you'll feel more at ease."

"Don't you think I've thought of that already?! But what if they tell me that it did happen, what would I do then?"

"Start to heal."

He shrugs his shoulders, then leans back in for a hug. I guess he trusts me now.  

"You know I have to tell your parents that you almost killed yourself right?" I ask him.

"I guess." He lets go of me and sighs.

Nick's pov.

With Lloyd by my side, we go back to my place. Bradley tells them how he found me. They hug me, crying, telling me they're sorry for 'not being good parents.'  They thank Lloyd for stopping me. He says they don't need to thank him. 

"Hey, dad?" I say.

"Yes?"

"You know how my cousin, Daniel went to jail?"

"Yes, that sick bastard got what he deserved."

"Did he ever... you know, do that to me..." I ask as my voice gets quieter. 

"Well that one time he came close to, but I was able to beat his nose in before he could. And that's the night he was arrested," my dad explains. "Why?

A wave of relief hits me. Nothing happened, my mind was just being sick and that's much easier to cope with. Maybe I can start to heal for real this time.

"Um, I'll explain later."

Everyone hugs me again and for the first time in a while, I feel okay.