Growing up (Get Scared- continued)

Nick Has a Crush?

Nick's Pov.

Finally the blonde, Goldilocks' hair I once had, is now jet black. I dyed it last week after a therapy appointment when my parents gave me the hair dye box.

It feels good. I look like how I want to. Well to a certain extent; there's still part of me that isn't pleased with my image. I'm trying, I really am, but I don't like myself. There's literally nothing to like.

Johnny and I had a talk...

He apologized for causing a scene at I hop. He said he recognizes his ignorance and will try to be more patient with me. He also said that Sheila wants to talk to me about this, since she has also gone through an eating thing...

I've been diagnosed with Anorexia, but I refuse to accept it and call it that. If I ever have to refer to the condition, I call it "the eating thing." The word anorexia makes me feel sick and gross, like if it was wrong to have it or like I shouldn't have it, or don't have it at all. 

Bradley talked to me about making a band again. I felt bad; I've been so caught up in my own problems that I forgot about the whole reason we became friends. He said that Johnny was down to play guitar for us if I sang. I agreed, though I'm not very comfortable with my vocals yet. Apparently Johnny told Brad about the song I sang with him in the middle of the shopping center and thinks that I'd be a good lead singer. I think he should sing, he's the one that knows how to. 

  The blink-182 show is in a few days. I know I should be excited to go, after all I've been wanting to go to this show for ages now, but my emotions aren't working apparently and I don't even know if I still want to go.

Now I'm here, infront of Johnny's house, Bradley holding my hand against my will. I swear to God he's the reason everyone thinks I'm gay. It's not even the way girls hold hands when they're friends; our fingers are interlockinyeas he rubs his thumb against the back of my hand. Sad how it brings me comfort in a way because, yes, I am in fact that lonely. 

"What if she doesn't actually want to talk to me?" I ask with anxiety on my tongue, "I mean, for all I know she didn't even have an-... The eating thing, and Johnny is just tricking me in to opening up?"

"I don't really think Johnny would do that," he states. I bite my lip, but don't release. "Are you ready to open up?"

"I, uh.. I don't know...." No I'm not ready. I'll never be ready. Im a coward and a creature of habit.

"What's holding you back?" he asks.

I shrug "it's just embarrassing."

"Well, I'll wait here with you until you're ready," he says smiling.

"Thanks, Br-" I am interrupted by him ringing the doorbell.

"You're ready."

I try to walk away and just ding dong ditch my friend's house, but I have forgotten Brad's death grip on my right hand. I tug on my arm, begging to be allowed to go back home.

"I believe in you, Nicholas."

"Thanks, but I'm not ready to talk to people about this," I explain anxiously then throw myself on the ground like a child throwing a tantrum. I was hoping he would let go of me.

"It was you're idea to come here, so I know you're ready."

"I change my mind, I change my mind."

The door opens. Johnny just kinda stares at us. I'm still collapsed on the floor, Lloyd is still holding my hand as if we were in love with each other, and that's probably a weird sight for normal people.