Growing up (Get Scared- continued)

Relax, Forgive

(Trigger warning: Suicide and Eating Disorders)

Nick's Pov

"I'm a terrible friend. I'm awful.  Johnny's gonna hate me. Sheila is gonna think I'm weird. Why did I do that?" I rant, pacing back and forth in my living room.

"Stop overthinking, I'm sure Johnny was just being the 'over protective brother" and doesn't actually have anything against you," Lloyd tries to explain, but everything he says goes in one ear and out the other.

"He hates me. He thinks I'm not good enough for his sister. He thinks I'm disgusting. He thinks I'm the worst friend possible for trying to kiss Sheila!"

"Nick, sit down, you're moving too much," he orders. After I told him i had been in a mental hospital and carefully monitored so I can gain weight, he's been on my ass about it too. Not as much as my parents, but when he notices I'm "fidgeting" too much, or standing for too long, or whatever other random shit he picks up on, he's becomes my mother, saying things like "NicHolaS, sToP It. yOu KnOw WhAt You'Re DoInG." Bleh.

"Fuck you, you're not my mom," I snap back.

My mom comes in from the kitchen with a plate of nachos. Shit, I didn't even know she was here. "He's not. But I am, so sit your ass down," she commands pointing at the couch. She sets down the plate on the coffee table and tells me I need to eat. " Also, watch the language."

I am trying burn of this negative energy, not calories, dammit. I'm just anxious. Regardless of my intentions, I sit down on the loveseat across Lloyd. My stomach is so sick from the anxiety that the thought of trying to digest anything makes me want to vomit.

I shove my face into a pillow and scream my heart out. 

"Dude, chill,"

"YOU CHILL!"

"I am chill. You're the one that's making a big deal out of nothing," Brad laughs.

"Listen, it's not just 'nothing,'" I start, "I just started getting used to Johnny. Like I can fuck around with him like i can with you. And it's kinda hard for me to do that, so i don't want to lose another friend, just 'cause I'm an idiot."

Talking about what i actually feel instead of evading the problem? Gross. I'm uncomfortable. Please make it stop.

"You're not an idiot. You can't help what you feel. If you like Sheila, you can't really just make yourself stop. Trust me, forcing yourself not have a crush on someone is impossible." 

"I don't even know where it came from. I went into the house passed at you for ringing the doorbell then I looked at her. My heart was like 'ooo bouncy bounce- She's kinda hot,' and suddenly we were leaning in to each other," I explain, "I didn't want to. I Wasn't trying to kiss her. It just...happened."

My mom comes back in to the living room, giving me devilish grin. "Ooo, my little boy has a crushy wushy." She pinches my cheek as she says, "you're all grown up now."

I push her hand away from my face, that I can once again feel burn. "Mom, stop."

Bradley chuckles. I stare him down.

Lloyd's pov.

  How come Nick can only hold eye contact when he's giving me a death glare like he's about to rip my eyes out? Any other time, he's staring at his hands like they're the most interesting thing he's ever seen. 

He stares at the nachos his mom has kindly provided with his hands shoved in to his pockets, then his leg starts bouncing uncontrollably. 

He takes one with shaky hands. The cheese stretching as he pulls it away from the plate. "Okay, but Johnny isn't ever going to want to talk to me again. So then the band is gonna be broken up before we even officially did anything," he vents as he takes a bite out of the nachos and chews it for an excessive amount of time.