They say once you start running it's hard to stop it's hard to stop and I am telling you right now it is more than hard it is
impossible
I don't know when I started running maybe I was born with my feet hitting the pavement, trying to put as much distance between me and things I do not know as possible, what I do know is I have been running as long as I could make the decision to
running not for wind in hair, but out of breath, legs aching, body trembling under pressure, the mantra of one more step one more step becomes a holy hymn, addicted to tired, a tired sleep cannot cure and you do not want it to
I run in the hopes my physical weariness will translate to mental, internalization of the external, if my heart is tired of pumping maybe it will grow tired of feeling and I can finally get some sleep sleep a game I have never been too good at and cannot seem to win
I feel the vices creeping in over my shoulder, in my chest, that dull rest behind my eyes, awake feels so like rest when you're high, the closest thing I will come to peace to peace comes in a 12 ounce bottle of blue moon. I am allowed a moment to breathe when I am filled with poison
do not listen when the voice in your head begs you, and beg you it will, to quicken your pace, that running is the only way to get away, that the only way to find happiness is to search for it in a far promise land place, those voices are lying I promise you I promise you I promise you and if you're confused as to why I keep repeating my phrases it is because I know you are reading too fast to really hear them, see them, hold them, breathe them in, I say it twice so you know it is true
they say once you start running you cannot stop, and they're right they're right, because it is not hard to stop running it is not hard to stop running it is not hard it is
impossible.
