Out of habit, Jaehyun's eyes search for the packs of cigarettes behind the counter. But he rolls his shoulders back and peers down each aisle.
Soon, he stands before an array of skincare products. He zeroes in on the grapefruit-scented face packs, biting his bottom lip. The green pack beside it claims refreshing detox and cucumber. Meanwhile, the grapefruit is invigorating and exfoliating and pink.
Ten minutes later, his arms are full of green and pink face mask packs. He buys an exorbitant amount, because he thinks he'll use all of them and because he's a glutton for excess but really, honestly, it's because he's waiting.
Why she would go to a convenience store on a Friday night, he doesn't know. But he hopes and waits nonetheless.
Sighing, he tosses his ramen in the trash, snatches his bag of face masks off the counter, and gives up. The night air is cold and his breath fogs.
He tugs his jacket closer to him, popping the collar to protect his neck from the chill and disappointment.
In the empty dorm room, he applies a cucumber face mask.
⬳ ⟿
He's back at the store for the third time in a week, and he realizes with crushing clarity that he's a fucking idiot.
The stranger won't appear by some miracle. She probably doesn't even live here. Their meeting was a fluke, and yet he's still holding his breath and balancing on the balls of his feet.
The temperature is shifting, nights slowly warming. Jaehyun can no longer see his breath beneath the streetlight as he stands outside the store window, watching customers come and go.
He considers heading back to the dorms, putting on a face mask, and ignoring his itchy brain. But he glances at the moon, marveling at the light of the sun's reflection. He thinks about how everyone looks at the moon in awe and squints at the sun, and how he's always thought of himself as the moon but maybe he's the sun: everything around him glows but makes those closest to him blind and then burn.
Then, to his right, the bell above the store door chimes and he whips about.
She's small. Gentle shoulders and a disappearing waist. Jaehyun rushes after her. As soon as he realizes her hair is too long and her clothes too tight, she turns around and smiles at him.
"Wow! Jaehyun. It's been too long."
His insides deflate while he forces a dimpled smile. "Minjae. How've you been?"
Unlike the last time he saw her, she isn't wearing a man's jacket. Rather, her outfit squeezes her curves and her eyeliner makes her eyes dramatic. Her lips are glittering red.
"I've been great. How's Johnny?"
In that moment, he feels small. Smaller than Minjae's waist and pinky fingers and voice.
It shouldn't be surprising that she asks about Johnny -- she dated him, not Jaehyun, after all. And they only knew each other from Johnny's attempt to distract himself from his growing feelings for Sola. But a part of Jaehyun had hoped she asked about him, shown some interest.
But Jaehyun is not the moon.
"And you, of course." Minjae laughs behind her hand. "How have you been? Both of you."
"Good, good." He nods.
"You're both idols now. How crazy is that!"
"It is."
"Congrats."
"Thanks."
Her smile shrinks and she clears her throat. "You're probably really busy, huh? I'll let you go. Tell Johnny hi for me."
"Will do. It was nice to see you."
Minjae waves and leaves the store without buying anything.
Jaehyun swallows toxic nicotine that night.
⬳ ⟿
He waits to throw away the empty ramen cup, dragging out time, even though he knows it's futile. He stares at the last swallow of broth, the seasoning swirling in it like some kind of edible night sky.
When the bell rings, it doesn't register and he continues to look into the empty cup. Then slowly, he straightens and glances about the store.
And there she is. From here, Jaehyun can see her small shoulders and white face mask and shoulder-length hair. He thinks she's in the cleansing mask aisle and he's on his feet, trying to walk casually over to her, his trash forgotten on the counter by the window.
He clears his throat. "Excuse me."
She turns, and he's staring into her eyes. And he knows she isn't the moon, but by god, she is the stars and he refuses to blink.
"Yes?"
"Sorry, I just -- here's a smile, just for you."
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