the story of us

highs and lows

The weekend of a mixture of bliss and torture. Her and I snap chatted all Saturday, and we messaged the group chat we had with our other cast mate, whom I'm going to refer to as Lily, pretty much all day. We talked about John, and how he kept messaging her, and we talked about Ethan, who rejected her invite to prom, and everything in between. So we had constant contact and it made me so happy. It did make me a bit anxious though. I was always scared of crossing a line, of being too clingy, too forward. I think it's always going to be like that from now on. On Sunday we didn't send actual snaps but we did talk in the group chat some, but the entire day I kept aching for her. It was like no matter what I did my mind kept going back to her.

I wanted to see her again. I had spent all day with her Friday but I still wanted more. I didn't want to be weird about asking her to hang out, though. Fortunately the perfect excuse came up when my dad told me I'd have to stay an extra 2 days with him since it was spring break. I didn't want to do that. At all. I already had plans to go out with some friends on Monday, but on Tuesday I'd be stuck at my dads. Well, unless she agreed to hang out with me.

Are you busy on Tuesday?

Idk, maybe.. why?
I might have to work, idk yet

Okay
I was jw bc my parents are making me stay at my dads house for an extra 2 days and i really don't want to be stuck at his place

Ohh okay, yeah idk.. either that or scholarships or cleaning, but i might be able to hang out if i don't work

it's cool

Okay

Here's something to know about her. If she wants to do something, she'll do it. If she doesn't, she'll reject you in the nicest way possible. I'm pretty sure she was doing it just then. Despite how simple, how minuscule the conversation was, it still made me feel like shit. I moped for the rest of the day, secretly hoping she'd suddenly have a change of heart, but it didn't happen. A few hours later she responded saying she did, in fact, have to work.

It was like my whole world crashed. I suddenly felt like my chest weighed a ton of bricks, like I could do nothing else besides lay in bed and whine. I missed her so much. And honestly, I felt insecure. I felt like she hated me, like she wanted nothing to do with me.

I know that's not true. I know I was being dramatic, but being away from her was too much. And I would have to wait a whole 8 days to see her again.

It was going to be the longest 8 days of my life.