the story of us

she can't know

The worst part about having a crush on this girl is that I haven't told anyone.

Okay, I've told one person. One of my best friends. But I feel like she doesn't count, since I tell her everything. No one else can know! If it accidentally got to the wrong person that I had a crush on this girl, I'd be screwed.

There's this one friend of mine from theatre, Ella. We were super close; we sat next to each other in 3rd period and always talked. Well, until I started liking her. Ella sits somewhere else now.

We had a GSA meeting after school today so we finally got to see each other. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in 10 years," I joked.

"Yeah. 'Cause you haven't."

We didn't speak after that. The meeting went on, and I felt the guilt weighing over me the entire time. I didn't realize I had stopped talking to her. Not until she mentioned it. I felt awful. Ella is extremely loyal and a great friend, and I just abandoned her. I hated hurting her. And despite the fact that she's in our theatre group, I knew I had to tell her. Despite me not wanting to tell anyone, I couldn't live with the fact that I ignored Ella in our only class together for weeks. She deserved to know why.

So once the meeting was over we walked around together and I told her I had something to tell her.

I talked about how in 3rd period we don't talk anymore because I sit next to her, and, "It's just...you know..."

"You're attracted to her," she finished for me.

"Yeah."

"I knew it! It's so obvious."

What? Obvious? Was I really that transparent?

"How is it obvious?!"

We continued our conversation and I couldn't believe I had finally told someone else. I know she won't tell. She's an amazing friend, she would never.

But it still scares me. If Ella could connect the dots, does that mean everyone else has too? What if she finds out?

God, I'm screwed.