Today I Can.

06. Sometimes.

★ Sometimes I’m scared of loving and I don’t know what you’re worth. I should have told you how I felt when I had the chance; I should have looked back to you as I walked away; I should have given you a kiss, but now it’s too late. I should have told you how I felt ★.

.Sometimes. Honne.

★★★

The hardest thing about realising you are in love with someone that is close to you is how to act around them afterwards.

Love hadn't realised this would be an issue until his classes of the day had been over, and he had received a text from P’Tangmo saying:

“I gotta grab some stuff from my dorm but I'll be right over with you after I do”.

And his heart had leaped out so hard it had literally hurt a little, his cheeks flushing red even without his P’ around. He had cleared his throat, swiftly looking around to see if anyone had seen the embarrassing moment, and pleasantly calming down when he had believed no one had. His mind had started thinking about millions of different ways to answer, none of them seeming to fit with whatever he had wanted to say; nothing seemed right. He had begun wondering if he should use exclamation marks or not – as he didn't know if he would come off as too eager –, if he should use emoticons or not, and if so, should they include a kissy face or would that be too much.

Love had spent at least five whole minutes staring at his phone trying to think of an appropriate response, alone because everyone else had long gathered their things and left already, and had ended up texting an awkward: “Haha okay” back, with no signs, or emojis, or anything else in fear P'Tangmo would notice something was different. Afterwards, he had hurried to the kitchen, ignoring the way his heart was beating frantically inside his chest because of a single, simple text.

Once there, Love took a big breath, easing his overactive mind, and started taking out the necessary ingredients for the cookies.

P'Tangmo was not coming for a date here, he was coming to help Love bake cookies for his mother. Everything was normal, there wasn't anything out of place here. P'Tangmo was his best friend, he had been for a while now, and Love shouldn't be making things awkward by acting like this. After all, P’ didn't have any feelings for him, he knew that already, so why was his mind worrying? Nothing was going to happen, and as long as Love kept his mouth shut, then P’ wouldn't find out about this unrequited love.

With trembling hands, Love pulled out the bowl from one of the cabinets under the counter and placed it over it. He then cracked an egg, and watched it fall into the plastic container, spiraling a little bit until settling down. As he was grabbing a second one, he was startled by a voice and two hands on his shoulders.

“Boo!”.

“Fuck” Love cursed as he dropped the uncracked egg into the bowl. He looked back, his heart starting its previous fast beat again, the dread of facing P'Tangmo resurfacing so quickly it was unbelievable. However, as he turned around, he came face to face with P'Vier standing behind him, with a teasing smile on his lips. “Oh… hey”.

“Hey there” P’ greeted back, circling until he was on his side. He glimpsed at the bowl and chuckled. “Sorry about that, didn't think you were that focused on the task”.

Love gulped, shaking his head and slipping his hand to grab the egg. “It's okay, I was just deep in thought”.

“Oh” said P’, with a tone that indicated interest. “What were you thinking about, if I may know?”.