Saving Mercury

Chapter 7: Love and Sorrow

April - August 1991

Nathan applied for and got a job at the same clinic I worked at. Through the next months, he assisted me in treating patients with AIDS, including Alex, who had been determined as HIV positive. It was so wonderful to have a helper, especially my best friend apart from dear Roger, as April transitioned into May.

Roger called me one late May afternoon as Nathan and I sat together at my home, watching Coronation Street. The soap opera reminded me of Queen, who had parodied it in the "I Want to Break Free" video by dressing in drag. I went up to get the phone.

"Hey darling, I'd like to tell you that we filmed the video for "These Are the Days of Our Lives" today," Roger said.

"How did it go?"

"It was good. We had to use black-and-white to hide Fred's illness. I don't think we'll record any more videos with him. This is our last. Might as well say that it's over. Only a matter of months before Freddie's time on earth ends."

"Don't say that, Roger." I knew he was right, however.

"But it's true, El. There are not going to be any more videos. He spoke his last words on camera. As the song closed, he looked up and whispered 'I still love you.' Then it all ended." I could sense bitterness in Roger's voice. My eyes nearly watered up, picturing Freddie whispering "I still love you."

"I know that he doesn't have much time. That won't stop me from trying. Roggie- we have to make every day of Freddie's life count. We need to keep visiting him to comfort him. We should visit him next Thursday."

"Thursday is good."

"Okay, goodbye."

That week went by quickly. I was overcome with sympathy when I saw Freddie again. He didn't even get up to answer the door. He just said "Come in" after Roger announced his arrival. He was lying on the sofa, draped in a blanket. Delilah was curled up on top of him. His beautiful eyes were wide open as he stared at Roger and I.

"I can't see well anymore... Roger and Mary?"

I giggled. "No, this is Ella Burke." It was strange being mistaken for Mary Austin, Freddie's former girlfriend and still one of his close friends.

"Oh, sorry my dear." His face was so gaunt and pale, his cheeks thin and bony.

"It's okay. Do you still take your medicine and painkillers?"

"Yes." He managed a sweet smile. "I'd like to thank you Ella. For trying to help. I don't even give a damn if I die. You shouldn't either. My time is coming and I'm ready to face it."

Roger and I continued to speak with him. We didn't talk about AIDS or death. Instead, we told each other funny anecdotes, including the time when Roger got drunk and passed out at a bar in 1982.

"He was out cold!" remarked Freddie. "For a moment, John, who was also a little tipsy, thought he had died, until we felt Rog's pulse. He was screaming like hell, 'Call a doctor!'"

Roger smirked. "I don't remember this, surely you're making things up."

"I don't tell fibs, darling. You were literally passed out."

I couldn't stop laughing. "I believe your story, Fred."

The minutes passed by, and I decided that I had to go back home. Before leaving, I said:

"Remember to take your medicine, Freddie. I don't know when I'll see you again, but until then, stay strong and be brave. I'll see you soon, Rog. I'm going to take a cab home. Goodbye."

It hurt to leave my two friends, but I needed to get my rest for work.

The next two monts, I continued to visit and call the Queen members when I had the time. Nathan and I studied different types of medication to find out what would work for Freddie. We didn't find anything extremely helpful and determined it would be best for him to continue to take the medicine and painkillers.

One day, Nathan found an article about common disease that could occur as a result of a weakened immune system. I was nervous because I knew that Freddie's immune system was not properly working, shuddering as Nathan read.

"It's hopeless, Nate. I have been working to help Freddie for months and I'm not getting anywhere. I know he's going to die." I started to cry.

"Don't cry." Suddenly he pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around my waist. Then he bent down slightly and pressed his lips to mine. This was the first time Nathan had ever kissed me. It felt so special- not just any kiss. After a few seconds, he let go.

"What? Why did you kiss me?"

"Because I love you, Ella. Be my girlfriend." His blue eyes sparkled.

"Of course, darling." I smiled. "You're a great assistant."

And that day, July 26, 1991, was when I finally decided that I was in love with him.

Through August, I visited Freddie twice, once bringing Nathan, whom Freddie was delighted to meet. Nathan in turn was amazed that he actually got to meet "the legendary Freddie Mercury." We also often went to the Crown Cafe together to meet up with John, Roger, or Brian.

Even though I had to face the tragic and inevitable fact that Freddie's health was in rapid decline, my life seemed happier due to my new relationship with Nathan and my meetings with my friends.