The Clone

21.

Sara grabs her bags from the kitchen table and then leaves the cabin, she wasn't prepared for them coming back, she wanted a few days to herself, she doesn't mind Bobby, he's quiet, leaves her be but Sam and Dean.

"Hey, wait" Sam calls as he follows Sara out of the house.

"What?" she asks. "I really should get back on the road"

"What's going on?" he asks, she sighs.

"It's nothing you need to worry about" she answers.

"Is it..." Sam looks back to the cabin and turns back to her. "Did Bucky do something?" she shakes her head.

"It's not Bucky" she answers, Sam raises an eyebrow. "It's not just Bucky" She corrects. "It's me....and Dean too, Bucky's just worried about my....feelings"

"Right..." Sam nods.

"He said he just wants to be friends" she whispers. "Which is fine...it's not like I actually felt..." she stops and looks away frowning. "What does it matter?" she asks setting her bags on the bike.

"You can talk to me" Sam assures her. "I won't tell Dean" she looks to him.

"I thought Bucky....." she rubs her hands over her face. "I started feeling things for him, the same things I felt for Dean....and I finally thought I was getting over him...but he's still getting in the way"

"You and Dean were inseparable for years, Sara, it's a huge change" Sam glances back to the cabin and then to Sara. "It effects him too" Sam admits. "He wakes up and he reaches for you....he still buys that extra slice of pie, he still puts that song on the radio that you like, he makes a joke and he looks for you because he knows you would laugh, sometimes you would be the only person to laugh....." Sara wipes her hand across her cheek. "This sucks for all of us" Sam admits. "And you two are so clearly still in love with one another but you are both too bull headed..."

"He made his choice" she counters. "Now we all have to deal with it" she points out. "That's Dean though, right....stubborn to the end. No matter who gets hurt, even the people he claims to care about" she smiles sadly. "Did you know that Dean was the first serious relationship I ever had?" she asks. "57 years....of little things, flirtations, but I never let anyone close enough to....." she sighs and shakes her head.

"Sara" Sam whispers and then pulls her into a hug, she sighs and rests her head against his chest.

"Hey" Dean states from the doorway, Sam pulls away from Sara. "Grab the duffel from the car" Dean throws his keys at Sam, who is slow, Sara snatches her hand up and catches them, she rolls her wrist and opens her fingers in front of Sam who takes them.

"Thanks" Sam tells her with a smirk.

"I should be going" Sara tells him and turns to her bike.

"It's getting late" Dean offers. "And this is your cabin...." Sara looks to him.

"I don't think that's a good idea" she tells him.

"Sara" Dean begs. "It's just one night" she sighs and closes her eyes, fighting that part of her brain that is wanting her to stay with him, even for one night. But she can't.

"No" she states shaking her head. She can't just let herself give in every time he asks her for something. That's the problem. That's Bucky's point. That she just keeps running to him. "I can't" she adds and climbs onto her bike. She looks up at Sam. "Call me" she asks of him, he nods and squeezes her shoulder before heading to the impala shooting Dean a look. Dean sighs and heads to Sara as she adjusts her jacket.

"Sara" Dean stops her from starting the bike and she sighs. "I know...I hurt you" she pulls her hand free. "But.."

"But what?" she asks looking up at him. Those huge blue eyes staring up at him. Filled with hurt, pain, and he knows it is all his fault. Those beautiful eyes. "You want to hurt me some more?" she asks.

"Don't" Dean whispers. "I know I screwed up" he admits threading his fingers through her hair, he loves her hair, even after hunts, it would still be so soft and clean and he'd sit and runs his fingers through it for hours... "Sweetheart" he whispers and leans closer. "I miss you" he admits and ghosts his lips over hers before he kisses her. Sara kisses him back. It's familiar. It feels like home. But he...broke her heart.

"I can't do this" she pulls away from him. Dean hangs his head. "You made your choice" she whispers. "You pushed me away" she starts her bike. "You can't just...change it back" she scolds. "That's not how this works...." she shakes her head and then pulls away.

................

Sara's bike skids to a stop on some dirt road in the middle of nowhere. She shakes out her hair and sighs closing her eyes. He's under her skin like a damn virus. Every time she thinks she is close to moving on, he pops back up and pushes her back two steps. She groans and throws her head back as it starts to rain. She lets the first few droplets splash her face before she is starting her bike again.

................

Dean lays awake staring at the ceiling of the bedroom eyes tracing the dagger marks, Sara's dagger marks. He's guessing her moody teen years were spent laying here and throwing a blade at the wood work above her. He looks around the room, there are marks everywhere, burn marks, gun shot marks, fist holes. The wardrobe door is hanging off and there is actually a ninja star wedged in the wall that ain't coming out, he knows, he tried. He sighs and turns onto his side to look out the window, that actually has locks on them, he thought his childhood was rough, but Howard, they barely know anything but being brought here, to this cabin, to be experimented on, tested, physically and mentally, then to be locked inside. That's something else. He stares at the locks on the window before turning away again, looking back to the dagger marks. The door opens and a female figure steps in, Dean lifts himself up onto his elbows and looks to her as she locks the door.

"Sara?" Dean asks staring at her, she takes a shaky breath and turns to him. Drenched from the rain, the moonlight reflects on Sara as she steps closer to the bed.

"I want to move on" she admits. "I want to stop thinking about you....I want to be able to wake up and not feel this pain in my chest" she stops reaching the bed. "Like someone punched a great big gaping hole into it" Dean swallows the lump in his throat. "Now you are going to make love to me for the last time because I deserve this closure" Sara tells him, Dean looks to her surprised as she pulls off her jacket.

"Wait, what?" he asks.

"You heard me..." she counters kicking off her boots and then unbuttons her jeans raising an eyebrow at him.