voices || hyunlix

Felix

Felix's life wasn't the best at all. He was never abused and he actually lived pretty comfortably, but when he moved to Korea at the age of seven he suddenly started having panic attacks. He would try a simple task and then get overwhelmed with the directions for no obvious reason. It became unbearably hard to be happy, he never made friends, and he would never talk to anyone because of his inability to handle the pressure.

After a year of confusion, and his family refusing to believe the truth, he was finally diagnosed with depression and a panic disorder. His father believed he could push through anything, and his mother didn't think medication would help anyways. Felix grew up having to deal with demons clouding his thoughts and random spurs where he couldn't breath while talking to someone, which ended with him hyperventilating and being labeled a freak.

No one would tolerate him enough to stay and no one could handle his dark and closed off demeanor. It led him even deeper into depression, he tried things to help, but nothing worked. The demons voices would make him do things. Things, he was so numb when doing, that he didn't even regret them. In turn his thighs, shoulders and chest were covered in scars from his own doing. He knew not to do it anywhere near his wrists, the demons warned him he would get caught if he did. The weapon he used against himself was a steak knife his mother still hasn't found, hidden behind the mirror that his father attached to the wall very poorly.

When he walked into his first day of high school, people obviously stared. As everyone wore jeans and normal shirts, Felix found them uncomfortable. So he wore a dark red long sleeve shirt under a graphic black tee. They were both tucked into a pair of old loose, high waisted black jeans, cinched at the waist with a belt. They were cuffed so you could see his black socks and dark red Vans underneath.

He had always been called a girl because of the way he dressed, that's where the bullying came from. But Felix loved his style, he felt comfortable in it, and his clothes made him feel like home.
When he walked into class and sat in the back he wasn't expecting anyone to come up to him, especially not a boy with braces and shaggy hair. The boy wore cute clothes, light washed jeans, bright blue converse, and a pale yellow sweatshirt with a rose stitched over a heart. Felix looked at the boy as he smiled widely, they looked completely opposite of each other.

The boy was actually none other than Yang Jeongin, the soft wallflower that loved to talk, but was too shy to meet anyone. Felix and him began a close friendship quicker than either of them had expected. Though they both balanced each other out pretty well. For example Felix would barely talk but could listen, and Jeongin would barely listen but could talk plenty. They bonded over many things before they realized how broken both of them were. They talked about food, taste in movies, and video games. Then slowly they figured out that the other was gay, but it was never said, it was an understanding between the both of them.

Felix saw that he wasn't the only one who was torn apart one day when Jeongin's abusive sister tried to pick him up from school. Felix could see how terrified he seemed as he saw her in the parking lot. After only a couple words into his sentence Jeongin was crying into Felix's chest. Crying about how he was beaten by her and how his father never noticed. He told him how his mother died when he was still an infant, how his father had to provide for them, and that he worked so hard.

That day was the first of many sleep overs at Felix's house. But it was a month later that Jeongin was wiping off water on the mirror when he found the knife hidden behind a corner that stuck off of the wall. Felix didn't try to deny his friends questioning about his cutting, but no matter how much Jeongin pleaded, even after knowing each other for two years, Felix never showed his scars. Felix wasn't ashamed of them, to be honest it scared him how after a shower he would stand in front of his mirror and smile at the scars. The demons found them to be works of art, making him believe they were pretty, telling him to keep making more.

Felix never liked the pain that came with the scars, though he did adore watching the blood trickle down his arms and chest, sometimes legs. He loved picking at the lines after they dried, he knew the scars would be harsher, making them even lovelier.

That summer when Felix had to visit Australia, Jeongin and him both slumped. They tried to spend as much time together as they could before he left. It ended in tears and lots of hugs as Felix left Jeongin at the airport. Felix's parents thought it would be nice to visit their home town, to take a break from the never stilled city for a place that could take a break. Felix was relieved in a sense, he loved being back to beaches and clean air.

His favorite place to go was the rocky cliff that he found when he was young. Felix has always been a strong boy, he took care of himself well, the demons needed him to be tough so he could withstand the pain they put him through. Felix would go to the edge of the cliff and climb down the jagged and twisted rocks until he was at the bottom. He found comfort in the way the black rocks contrasted to the white frothing water crashing against it. He was reminded of his friendship with Jeongin. How they were always side by side although they were so distinctly different.

He loved sitting on a flat rock situated near the sea while letting the salty water wash up and hit his body. There he would sit for hours until he was soaked or until the tide became too strong, whichever came first. He found it calming to be battered by something that wasn't himself. It never hurt, the water's sharp waves were caresses that kept him calm. He felt that if he stayed there long enough, the water would eventually wash away the demons possessing his mind. But the days ended too rapidly for him to find out.

Felix's family stayed until a month and a half of the school year had already passed by; his Junior year. Realizing he didn't know what Jeongin was up to, he decided to finally start an Instagram and message him. Felix had seen Jeongin's account many times, he knew the name by heart, so when he texted the boy believing he was going to receive a loving response and in turn was presented with harsh words, to say he was surprised would be an understatement.

After not knowing how to find Jeongin, he felt lost. The demons raged at the thought of Felix being alone again. Jeongin would sometimes get in the way of their ravaging ways. They made Felix desperate to get back to his room. To his bathroom, to the right of his bed. To the little steak knife hidden away behind the mirror. The demons didn't stop their torment in the months he was in Australia but they weren't able to get as much satisfaction from dull razors and small mirrors.

They needed the knife in Korea so they could make Felix into their perfect, beautiful image.