Everything You Know Is Wrong

Chapter 11 - Paradox Loop

Felix reappeared in his own apartment, in his own time. Got it in one. Swish.

He could already hear his drippy faucet. It sang a beautiful song of homecoming.

He closed his eyes and let the sound wash over him. As he did so a slow realization seized him by the guts: his past self was probably still out there. Probably on his way home, in fact. He didn't know what the rules were but that seemed likely considering how he ended up traveling through time originally.

Felix remembered that his future self pushed him into some kind of... time hole? That's what started all this. He supposed he was his future self now. He wasn't sure if it was such a good idea to push his past self into any kind of time hole. That's what created this whole mess in the first place.

Then again, if he didn't there'd be two of him. That could be awkward. And expensive. He really didn't want to deal with anything like that. He just got back from a seemingly endless bender of that. It was probably better to make a clean break. Push the poor sucker into the hole and let him deal with the aliens and the bullshit.

Another benefit of this plan was that Felix wasn't really so mad at his future self anymore.

Suddenly there was a noise that reminded Felix of time travel. He was immediately disturbed that there was such a noise. It was quickly followed by another Felix materializing into the sparely appointed apartment. He had an eye-patch and a leather jacket.

"Oh, right," said Felix. "Right, right, right. The other ones."

"Felix!" yelled the other Felix, running over to Felix, "You can't push Felix into the time vortex?"

"Oh is that what it's called?" asked Felix. "I've been calling it a time hole. I knew that was probably not what they're called."

"Listen to me!" said eye-patch Felix, grabbing Felix and shaking him. "If you push yourself into that time vortex you're going to destroy all of human civilization! The fall of humankind! Tribes of monster-truck driving mutant cannibal jackasses wearing gas masks for no reason fighting one another in an endless horizon of ruined highways!"

"That does sound grim," admitted Felix.

"You can't send me, by which I mean you, by which I mean him, back!" insisted eye-patch Felix. 

"Yeah yeah," said Felix. "I get it. I won't push him."

There was another time noise, and a new Felix appeared wearing a fancy suit.

"Hold on a minute," said rich Felix walking over. "There's a way to work all this out so that everyone wins."

"You're saying you have another way to prevent the Heavy Metal Monster Truck Apocalypse?" asked eye-patch Felix, releasing Felix.

"Oh yes," said rich Felix with a flashy grin. "I have a plan that will not only avert the apocalypse, but it'll make us all richer than God."

"I definitely prefer this guy," said Felix.

As if on cue another Felix, this one dressed in strange clothes that looked like some half-insane robot's attempt at business casual, appeared in a puff of time.

"Don't do it!" he screamed, immediately grabbing Felix and shaking him. "I'm you from a few minutes in the future. This plan doesn't work! The apocalypse gets worse. I don't have time to get into the whole story but sharks are in the mix now and it's just a hundred times worse than even the dark future me said."

"Don't do this guy's plan, or don't push the past me in the time vortex?" asked Felix.

"This is getting confusing, I can't keep track of anything," said eye-patch Felix.