4 Years | Jelix

Chapter 6 - I just want you to love me a little more

I was woken up by the feeling of the bed moving, as if somebody else were in it. I slowly opened my eyes, allowing them to adjust to the sunlight bursting through the windows. I realised that...I had a pair of arms wrapped around me.

I looked up to see Felix's eyes looking right back at me. We were cuddling and had been for the entire night. I tried to recall what had happened the night before. I must had fallen asleep on him when we were hugging.

It was such a nice feeling. The best one I had felt in a while. I felt safe. Protected. Loved. Happy.

"Um...morning." Felix greeted me.

"Morning..." I didn't know wether to move or not. He most likely wanted me to move off him.

"Do you want me to move?" I asked, just to make sure.

"I don't mind. You can stay if you want. It doesn't matter if you stay..." Hearing him say that filled me with even more happiness. He was perfectly fine with us cuddling. That's a first. I didn't say anything back and instead just stayed where I was. I was comfortable. The most comfortable I had felt in a while.

We stayed like that for about a further 10 minutes in silence. No words were said. No questions asked. Just silence. Everything was perfect. Until Felix's phone started going off.

He sat up to get it and I obviously had to move. I rolled my eyes but made sure he couldn't see me. He reached for his phone which was on the bedside table. He pressed the answer button and put the device to his ear. I couldn't hear anything on the other end of the phone.

"Hey Mark." Of course Mark called him while we were having a moment...

"...yeah. Can't you just text me? But...fine." Felix lowered the phone and looked at me, walking towards the bedroom door. I stood up.

"I'll go and make us a drink."

"But-" Before I could argue with him, he left. I sat back down again, rubbing my arms with my hands. I felt cold. That feeling I had earlier when Felix was holding me had gone.

It seemed that whenever me or Felix got really close to each other or got intimate, something would get in the way and that moment where I felt like it was just us and where I felt really loved would end. And the cycle would repeat itself. It happened every single time.

They were probably on the phone discussing me. Could have been positive or negative. I didn't know. About 5 minutes later Felix came back upstairs with his phone in his pocket and two cups of coffee in his hand. He gave one to me and put the other on the bedside table. I thanked him and took a couple sips before placing my cup next to his. There was a silence.

"You ok?" Felix asked me. I nodded, trying to seem believable. He raised an eyebrow.

"You sure? I mean...you told me a big secret last night. You got pretty upset. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah. I feel better now that you know." That was kinda true. I did feel a little bit better. It was a weight off my shoulders that somebody knew the secret I had been keeping for years. But...what if he went and told somebody? I didn't think he ever would but there was a possibility.

"Well I'm glad. You can talk to me about anything, ok? I appreciate you talking to me last night. I really do."

"I appreciate you making me feel better about the while thing." We smiled at each other. Again, a silence. But this time, nobody said a word after a few seconds. Instead, Felix put his soft hand on my face and pulled me closer to him. My heart rate changed drastically and I was breathing heavily. Was he about to...

That's when I woke up.

For fucks sake...

But it wasn't all bad. Because even though the kiss Felix almost gave me wasn't real, the fact that we had cuddled the night before was. He had his arms wrapped around me. And the feeling I felt when he did the exact same thing to me in my dream came back.

I felt so happy.