4 Years | Jelix

Chapter 16 - Remembering

I woke up alone. I sat up, scanning the room for another person, but there was nobody. I had very small recollection of the night before. I remembered seeing Felix at the doorstep...and then the next minute I was sitting down on the couch with him. Anything else that may or may not have happened wasn't known to me.

Had Felix stayed over? Did he leave? Why was he even there in the first place? I reached for my phone to realise it wasn't on the bedside table. I sat up, swinging my legs out of bed. I sat with my head in my hands for about 10 minutes. I had a horrible headache and I felt if I moved again I'd be sick.

I eventually stood up and carefully walked towards the bedroom door. That's when I looked down and realised that what I was wearing was not what I was wearing last night. I must have gotten changed at some point.

I walked down the stairs. The house seemed to empty. I sighed. I was hoping that Felix stayed. "I guess not..." I said, in a dissapointed tone.

"Hey, you're awake!" I heard a voice behind me. I turned around. Felix did actually stay! I smiled, nodding slowly so I didn't make my headache even worse.

"I was about to come upstairs and wake you up. I was certain you'd be asleep all day if I didn't." I laughed and smiled. I was so grateful to have a guy like Felix in my life, especially in moments like these.

"You wanna drink? Coffee?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Felix, you don't make the drinks. You're the guest." I argued.

"And you're incredibly hungover." I stayed silent.

"I'm doing you a coffee." He announced before walking into the kitchen. I decided to follow. I sat down as Felix went around the kitchen preparing us drinks. Whilst he waited for the water to boil he turned to face me.

"How's your head?" He asked.

"Like it's been trapped in a meat grinder." I said, putting my head in my hands as the pain got slightly worse.

"Owch. That doesn't sound too pleasant." I stood up and went into the cupboard to grab some paracetamol. I grabbed a can of coke zero with an added hint of vanilla and swallowed the two tablets, praying they would make me feel better. They would probably make no difference whatsoever, but I was willing to try.

When I sat back down, Felix sat beside me, handing me my coffee and starting to sip on his own.

"Hey Jack...you know, I was wondering something."

"Oh, ok. What is it?"

"I was just thinking...do you swing both ways with hot drinks too?" I gave him a confused look and raised an eyebrow.

"Do you like coffee and tea? Or just coffee? Or just tea?" I smiled and shook my head, again slowly to make sure I didn't worsen the pain in my head.

"Ha ha, very funny."

"Well? Do you?" I looked at him and put my coffee down.

"Yes, I swing both ways with hot drinks, Felix." He chuckled and there was a short silence.

"But I do much prefer coffee." I added.

"Really? Ok then...who do you prefer? Men or women?" I put my coffee down on the table again and thought long and hard. I never thought I'd be having this conversation with anybody.

"Women, I guess. Only cuz I've never had the pleasure of dating a guy."

"Well...you will." He said.

"You really think so?" I asked.

"Yeah, totally. Now I don't know how that guy is but I'm telling you now...he's super lucky." I smiled, not quite believing those words had just come out of Felix's mouth. This was why I loved him. He was so sweet. Too fucking sweet. And it hurt me so much that I couldn't have him. If only he knew how much I-

"Fuck."

I remembered. I remembered what happened the night before. I told him. I went ahead and told him how I fucking felt. I told him I liked him. And then he rejected me. He rejected me.

"Jack? What's wrong?" He asked. I stood up instantly, taking a few steps back.

"Felix...be honest. What happened last night?" His facial expression changed. He was no longer concerned or confused. He looked sad. Like there was something he didn't want to tell me.

"Felix for the love of god, what the fuck happened?"

"You don't remember."

"Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be asking. So what went down?" He took a deep breath and stood up, walking towards me.

"Sean...you know I love you right? You're the bestest friend I could ever ask for. Ok?" I nodded, wishing he would just cut to the chase.

"Last night...you told me something. A secret. You'd kept it for 4 years. You told me you had a cru-" That's all I needed to hear to know. I didn't want to hear the rest of what he was saying. I ran away, nearly falling over. I walked up the stairs as fast as I could, walked into the bathroom and locked myself in.

I cried. Again. When I was upset, it was the only thing I resorted to. I cried silently though because of course, I didn't want him to hear me. I heard running and footsteps getting closer. Then there was knocking on the door.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry. Please open the door. It's ok. You don't have to feel bad about this. It's fine. Please don't lock me out."

I said nothing. I didn't know what to say. But I sure as hell knew I didn't want to open the door.

"Jack, please." I said nothing again.

"Sean!" I heard sadness in his voice. And it felt horrible knowing that I was the cause for that pain he was feeling. But I just couldn't open the door. Not now. Not in that state.

"I'm gonna stay here...sitting outside the door. Please come out soon. I'll be waiting here for you." And he meant it. I never heard him walk away. I never heard him standing up, I didn't hear footsteps. I heard him sit down and then nothing else.

Time skip

It had been about an hour. I hadn't spoke. I hadn't opened the door. Felix didn't move. He didn't walk away. He stayed.

"Jack...I have to leave. Mark is at my house, he wants to talk to me. I have to go to him. But I'm not leaving you alone. I want you to come with me. Please. You can go get ready and then get in my car and go to my house together. And if you can and it's ok with Mark you could stay for a bit if you wanted. Just please open the door."

I couldn't let him leave. I didn't want him to go. I stood up, opening the door. He was there stood, waiting for me. I stared at him for a few seconds before he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a tight hug. I didn't want to let go but I had to.

"Go get ready and you can come with me." He whispered.

"Ok." I muttered. I let go of him and went to my bedroom, picking out some random clothes to throw on. A black shirt and some blue jeans. Nothing special. After a couple of minutes I met with Felix again. We walked downstairs together. I grabbed my phone before we left and he grabbed his car keys. I locked the door behind me. We got in his car and after he started it up, we set off to his house.