Love, Loss and Everything in Between. Klance AU

Chapter 29 - Needing Space

Keith smashed his fist into the training bot with as much fury as he could. With how much he transferred his feelings into innocent objects, he would have made the perfect case study for Sigmund Freud and his defence mechanisms. It was his only way of getting the anger out of his system, even if it hardly worked. When Keith's name was called, he swivelled around on the heel of his foot to see Shiro standing in the doorway with eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"Shiro, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone right now." Keith very well snapped, a surprising amount of venom in his tone. Shiro cancelled the training sequence, knowing that Keith wouldn't have done so himself, and headed towards the red paladin. Keith's face was a bright red that matched his paladin armour and his breathing was almost as heavy as Lance's had been.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course I am. I just thought it was a good time to train."

"When Lance is in the middle of a panic attack?"

"You were dealing with it! You're better at calming him down then me. I just make it all worse." Keith murmured the last time with the hope that Shiro didn't catch it. He did.

"You don't make it worse. Did you trigger him?"

"No, he had a night-"

"How did you make it worse then?"

"He hit me, Shiro!" Sure enough, there were still remnants of dried up blood on Keith's nose. Despite that, he was hardly phased by the pain, instead too focused on the anger running through his veins.

"That isn't your fault-"

"I got too close to him and he hit me! It is my fault. I should have known to give him space." Eyes beginning to well up with tears, Keith turned to look at Shiro. Shiro frowned but pulled him into an embrace. "I can't be there for him. I can't comfort people. He deserves someone stronger and better with the whole empathy thing."

"Hey, hey, we both know you're empathetic. You just struggle with knowing how to respond to the panic attacks. I can help you with that."

"B-But you should just be there for him. He doesn't need me."

"He needs all of us right now, Keith, and I know he loves you with all of his heart. He wants you to be there for him. He didn't mean to hit you but you know how easily it is to disassociate after nightmares or flashbacks, don't you?" Keith nodded, pulling at his sleeve and using it to wipe away some of his tears. "I'll teach you how to deal with the attacks. There are some breathing strategies that really help ground someone and it's really important for you to say who you are and where they are. It helps them understand the surroundings more."

"And no touching?"

"None unless you get consent. Touching can often make things worse as it gives them the idea that they're back in the place in which they experienced the traumatic event."

Keith nodded his head to show that he understood. "D-Do you think Lance blames me? For all of this happening? For not being there for him back when he was suffering with Allura?"

"Definitely not. You were there for him back then as much as you could be. I think you need to talk to him about how you feel. You have feelings too and it is important for you to communicate about them."

-

"Hey, uh, Lance?" Keith poked his head into his room to find Lance curled up on his bed, staring a hole into the ceiling. He had his eyes wide open and lips pursed as he hummed the tune of a song Keith hadn't heard before. Keith perched on the edge of the bed so he wasn't close enough to panic Lance but was close enough to make the moment feel more intimate. "We need to talk." At those words, Lance jolted up and began chewing on his bottom lip. His hands were trembling in his lap so Keith tentatively reached out and laced his fingers through Lance's. "Do you blame me for everything?"

"Sorry?" Lance spat out, sounding immensely surprised.

"All this started with my feelings for you. Then- Then Allura. Then you ran away because I couldn't be there for you like you needed. Do you blame me?"

Swallowing thickly, Lance studied Keith's features for any sign that what he was saying was a joke. Keith's eyebrows were furrowed, his face was pale and his eyes were glistening; apparently that meant he was being genuine. "Of course not. I was the one who started dating Allura and then I was the one who chose to run away. It's my fault, if we have to place the blame on someone."

"It is not your fault. You were going through a hard time; I should have helped you more."

"Keith, don't you dare blame yourself." Lance's voice held more authority than Keith had seen from the boy since he had been captured by the Galra. It was enlightening: it showed Keith just how far Lance had come. "It is not your fault. You couldn't have done anything to stop me."

Sad eyes glanced down at Keith's lap as he picked at a loose thread in his trousers. "Then it isn't your fault either. You were upset and it wasn't your fault the Galra found you before we did."

"Okay."

"Say it wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't my fault." Lance's voice was quivering violently so Keith asked him to repeat it with more assertion. "It wasn't my fault. There. Now you say it."

"It wasn't my fault." Both Lance and Keith exchanged a satisfied grin before Lance pulled Keith into a warm embrace.

-

"You're so amazing, Lance," Keith murmured, edging his head forward to get a look at Lance's face. He drunk in each of Lance's freckles, the scar covering his cheek and his oceanic blue eyes. "I'm so proud of how far you have come."

"Me too..." Lance whispered, smiling ever so softly. Smiles looked so natural on him but they had become a rare occurrence. "I'll be back to fighting the Galra in no time."

"You will," Keith rubbed his thumb across Lance's soft cheek but froze once Lance tensed up. "Are you... okay?"

Lance didn't say anything but pushed Keith backwards. "I need space..." He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember the breathing exercises Shiro had recommended to him to help the PTSD. Terror had spread right through him from the tip of his toes to the top of his hair. "Please don't do that to my c-cheek." His voice was quivering violently but he had descended into one of his incoherent panic attacks yet.

"O-Okay. I understand. You tell me whenever you're uncomfortable, alright?"

Lance nodded, reaching out and placing his hand on Keith's. It was all the contact he could deal with in that moment.

"You're going to be okay, Lance. I promise you." Keith knew, deep down, he was okay too. Shiro's words ran through his head, reminding him that it wasn't entirely his fault that Lance got triggered. He had introduced the triggering stimuli but there was no way that he would have known.

"I know," Lance took a long, deep breath. "I can do this."

One more chapter and this book is finally over