can anybody find me... // hardzello [FINISHED]

i have spent all my years in believing you - part I

****TW: Abusive relationships ****
Ben was shouting, yelling even to Maddie. She wasn't listening, she couldn't hear a single word he was saying, in fact it seemed like she wasn't even seeing Ben.
- Maddie! Hello! Earth to Maddie, Ben to Maddie! Can you hear me?
When Maddie finally looked in Ben's eyes and he thought he had her attention, she opened her mouth to answer, but the only thing that left her was the sound of a Cream song. Ben was confused "Cream? What is going... Oh shit! This is a dream, I gotta wake up!"
Ben jumped out of bed, the alarm had been playing for a minute, the loud song blasted into Ben's ears and banged into his hungover head. He turned the alarm off and took a quick shower, he was smelling disgustingly like alcohol and his hair had the light brush of nicotine to it. He showered, washed his hair and face, a little confused still about his dream and annoyed with all the lights and all the sounds that were amplified and multiplied because of last night's drinking. He put on jeans, white shirt and Leather jacket, feeling somewhat like a blond, long haired version of Johny Depp in Cry Baby Walker. He grabbed everything he needed and left the house to the underground. He was avoiding putting his shades on, because quite frankly it'd look ridiculously 60's with his outfit, but he couldn't bare the sunlight.
When he got in the train, he put his earbuds on, and while House of The Rising Sun played, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He took the earbuds off and looked back only to see Joe's friendly smile.
— Hey Ben! Or should I say James Dean?
— I was thinking more Cry Baby Walker. How are you?
— I had a boring night and didn't sleep a single minute! What about you? Did you talk with Maddie?
And then the sudden realization:
— I texted her. But I got nervous and started drinking. — Ben was ashamed but Joe wasn't going to judge him, he was sure —At some point, I passed out and I never saw if she answered or not.
— Well what are you waiting you doofus? Check your phone!
— Okay, geez! — He chuckled and took his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through notifications — She said... wait a minute. She said "I'll sure be back, wait for me! (And I really like jazz, the playlist is fantastic)" which indicates two things: I will see her again, and she has terrible taste in music.
— That's, one, amazing! And, two, an assumption, don't judge her so quickly just because she likes a very dull soundtrack while she drinks her coffee. — Joe laughed, and so did Ben
— Oh mate I have the worst hangover ever. Everything is just so loud and bright and annoying. — He rested his forehead on his thumb and middle finger. — How am I that dumb of drinking on a Tuesday?
— I honestly don't know, but if you can still make me coffee I don't really care.
Both left the underground and got in the Coffeeshop (Ben wasn't supposed to let Joe in before 8:30am but honestly, he practically managed the place, since the actual manager only worked there to pick up girls with really short bangs and septum piercings who listened to Arctic Monkeys. That was no critique to those girls or to the Arctic Monkeys whatsoever, that was a critique to Paul's weird fetish). Ben made them both cortados and opened the shop up to people. The guys chatted a bit more and Joe left to his Job.
It was strange, his friendship with Joe. In almost a year working at the shop and he had never become friends with a customer before. He was not complaining of course, but he was still familiarizing himself with their friendship.
Gwil soon got there, he was a little late because of traffic, but despite the usual smile on his face, it didn't seem like the best day for him, Ben had known him for long enough to know that.
— Hi Gwil, how's it going?
— Good morning. Fine, I suppose.
— You suppose?
— No, I'm fine, that's what I mean.
— Gwil?
— Yeah?
— Tell me.
— I...
— Tell me man, what's going on?
— Ben I gave it up. Last night I gave it up, I came back to her.
— You came back with Anita? Anita who distanced you from your family? Who essentially abused you emotionally and then cheated on you? I hope you're joking.
— I'm not. but we didn't come back, it was a one time thing, I swear to you. — he could see Gwil's eye's watering — I'm never seeing her again, I promise.
Ben hugged Gwil tightly and whispered comforting words to his friend. Getting out of abusive relationships is an extremely hard thing to do, you become dependent of your partner, your mental stability lies with them and you lose so much of your self esteem and love that you feel emotionally lost. Ben had gone through something like that when he was 16 so he understood a how it felt, and he didn't want anyone else — let alone Gwil — feel that way.
The atmosphere now was absolute shit and both of the guys felt like crap, but they still had to work. Orders and orders and more orders later, Ben was already on automatic mode, and took a moment to realize who was in front of him.
— Hi, how's it going? — Ben said blankly, looking down to his feet.
— Morning, I'd like a faster reply please?
When Ben looked up, he saw her again, as beautiful as always, Maddie.
— I'd also like that very much Maddie. You're not so fast yourself!
— Give me a break — she laughed — I was with my mom.
— I see. — Ben smiled — Hey, instead of a fast reply, I was thinking, why don't we go out sometime?
— That'd be awesome. What are you doing today?
— Absolutely nothing.
— So... Do you wanna go to the movies or something like that?
Movies. That was NOT a good first date idea for Ben. He liked movies way too much to focus on the other person and disliked the idea to pay a ticket so you could make out "do people still do that?" he wondered. His last relationship ended right before he turned 18 so it had been quite a while ago. Regardless, he accepted her invite, i mean, it'd be incredibly rude if he didn't. She left the coffeeshop with the jazz playlist and left Ben with a smile on his face.
Hours go by, Gwil goes home and more customers come in. At the end of the day, same time as yesterday, Joe comes in the coffeeshop.
— Hi, I'll have a cortado please.
— Joe fuck off with the fake politeness, ask me about my day!
— How was your day?
— Amazing! I'm gonna go out with Maddie!
— That's... that's incredible Ben! — Joe said in a soft tone — What are you guys doing?
— Movies.
— Oh. That sounds fun.
— It really doesn't judging by your tone.
— No, It's fun, movies are great!
— Not for a first date though.
— Well, you're saying that, not me.
— I know that mate, but she asked, not me. I would have gone for maybe a walk, bowling or arcade.
— Those are all incredible ideas, but I'm sure you'll have fun at the movies.
— Well, either I'll be too entertained by the movie and completely ignore her or we'll make out and I'll lose a couple of pounds on the ticket.
— That's the spirit.

// to be continued (kind of)