can anybody find me... // hardzello [FINISHED]

i get down on my knees

Joe's POV

He didn't know anymore. Was he truly only imagining this? Was it all in his head? It couldn't be. He felt Ben's hands over his eyes, he felt the warmth, he felt his breathing close to Joe's face, he felt it shaking. He could feel their hands wrapped together on the streets and Ben's arms enveloping his waist. They danced together and ate breakfast in the morning, Ben's tears had stuck to Joe's skin once or twice, he saw Ben in vulnerable moments and Ben saw through Joe's anxiety. The trust he had laid on Ben was immense, he didn't even know how he did it. And that's how he went through his day at work, he couldn't think of anything else, he could only replay his moments with Ben in his head.

And of course, her.

Maddie.

She didn't deserve a second of his attention, of his kindness or nothing of him, not even his anger. Joe could barely hear Ben talking about her, he would get jealous, but the first time he actually met the girl she just exceeded his expectations: an absolute and disgusting homophobe. She called Ben such hurtful things like they meant nothing, she looked in repugnance to Joe and still she had gone to Ben's work to talk. Would Ben forgive her? He was too kind, he could be, Joe knew, but he didn't want to let him get hurt, he couldn't let him get hurt.

Oh boy Ben was doing something unexplainable to Joe, something he hadn't ever felt before, with no boyfriend he had ever had, with no one he had ever met. Ben made his heart beat grow faster, his mind slow down and his words go loose. Ben just made Joe want to try and to be freer, he evoked something in Joe that just made him feel good, feel happy.

So when Joe got in the coffeeshop after work, he was pissed. How did Maddie even dare to try and speak to Ben? In any way, Joe could offer emotional support to Ben, and that was what he committed to do.

— Joe!
— She was here! SHE WAS HERE! SHE HAD THE NERVE!
— I KNOW! — Both were yelling at the top of their lungs — JOE SHE JUST GOT IN AND...

Joe could see that Ben was about to burst out the whole story to him when Paul came out of nowhere, with a judgmental look on his face and a very angry light on his eyes.

— For Christ sake! Could you two could be any louder? Ben, you're gonna scare off the customers! And Mazzello, don't even get me started on you!
— Paul he doesn't even work here, let-
— Ben he's here every day, he opens and closes the shop, and he already helped you out with cleaning, I'm aware.
— You're right Paul, sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. — Joe quickly apologized, no excuses would make the discussion shorter
— Just leave boys, Ben you got an early day today.
— Really? Thanks mate!
— I'm not your mate — Paul softened and lowered his voice — Also I got... I got a guy in my office and let's just say that I don't want him getting distracted by you two. We're... busy.

Joe blushed, because his first thought hearing that was "I want to get busy with Ben" but then in a second he shook that away. In fact, what paul was doing was kind of gross, but at least it was just on his office.

— Well... — Joe said awkwardly — Shall we?

As soon as they walked out of the café, both bursted into laughter.

— Joe... he... he... — Ben made a pause to giggle — he kicked us out... because he was... oh my god!
— I know!

They took too long to say what they wanted, they were both laughing so hard they couldn't articulate the words properly. The problem was, is that as soon as they stopped laughing, the atmosphere sunk. It was Maddie.

— Ben...
— What?
— I... — "hate that you're sad about a girl who doesn't even like you. Look at me! I'm head over heels for you!" Joe couldn't say that, so he just turned to Ben and tried giving his best advice — You don't deserve nothing that girl ever said or done to you. You deserve someone that likes you as much as you like them, someone that makes you feel like you don't need to wait a couple of minutes to text back, someone that you can dance as bad as you want to, that shows you a new world while trying to see your own. You need someone that is willing to hold your hand on good and bad days, someone that doesn't mind a bit of tear stains on their shirt.

"Someone like you. Please say that Ben, please."

But he didn't. He didn't say anything. He got close to Joe, very close.

"Please kiss me."

But he didn't. He didn't kiss Joe. He hugged Joe instead, squeezing him tightly, leaving some tear stains on Joe's shirt.

And Joe didn't mind the tear stains, he was willing to hold Ben's hand on good and bad times. He wanted to make Ben feel like he didn't need to wait to text him back, like he didn't have to worry so much around Joe, he wanted to show him a new world but he wanted to learn about Ben's. He wanted Ben to look at Joe and think of nothing and everything, he wanted to comfort him on hard nights and to be able to get the same in return.

So they just stayed there, Joe thinking of how much he could offer Ben, how badly he wanted to and how much he wanted Ben to want him back.

When they pulled apart, Ben wiped his tears and looked at Joe, but he didn't say anything for a while. They were just standing in the sidewalk, looking at each other while the sun was setting. Ben looked like he was made of gold, and Joe never felt more mesmerized by someone.

— Joe?
— Ben?
— I need someone like you.