These are their stories ~ Amanda Rollins

Heartbeat

Amanda's P.O.V:

"Carisi was out cold after Patton had knocked him out. Patton brought me into my bedroom and slapped me across the face. I started crying as he threw me down. I tried to fight him off but he was stronger than me. He kept clawing at my clothes and hitting my head against the wall in an attempt to get me to be quiet. He split my lip open and I was so dizzy it made my vision blurry, this made it impossible to see anything clearly. I screamed as loud as I could manage to try and get him to stop hurting me but nothing was going to stop him now."

I wake up gasping for air as tears stream down my face. I sit upright unable to stop shaking as sobs wrack through my body and my heartbeat inclines rapidly. I open my eyes slowly and see Carisi perched on the end of the bed. I automatically back up further away as I continue to cry uncontrollably.

"Please don't hurt me." I whimper defencelessly.

Carisi raises his hands and I jerk back uncertain of his next move. I hide my face away as my breathing hitches.

"Hey Amanda look at me, it's me - Carisi. I'm not here to hurt you I promise. Just please listen to me and trust me okay?" He explains softly.

"Please just leave me alone." I plea as I remain shaking.

"Amanda please just look at me, I promise you I am never going to hurt you."

I reluctantly turn my head to face him as I realise that he probably isn't here to hurt me. I look at him through teary eyes and begin sobbing again.

"Hey, your okay now. I've got you, you are going to be alright." Carisi repeats as he pulls me into a hug.

I break down completely as he rocks me gently and carefully rakes his hands through my hair, his soothing words gradually calming me down. My whole body aches and exhaustion overwhelms me but no matter how hard I try to sleep, I can't. The constant flashbacks and memories mean I can not focus on anything or do anything. It was only 24 hours ago that the rest of the squad had come and saved both me and Carisi but it feels like the longest 24 hours of my life.

"I'm going to get up and get you some water and some sort of food, you need to eat. I'll also go check if I have any meds to help you sleep." Carisi suggests, letting go of me and wrapping me up in the duvet.

I sit in the warm embrace of the duvet as I wait for Carisi to come back. I'm not feeling hungry but I know Carisi will want me to eat something. My whole body aches and feels so much heavier than it ever has felt. I twiddle my thumbs nervously waiting for Carisi to get back to me, I feel uncomfortable by myself as if with Carisi nothing bad can happen. I need him.

"Carisi? You there?" I whisper quietly not wanting to sound like a idiot if he wasn't nearby. I sit quietly by myself until I see some movement outside the room I'm in. The door opens slowly and Carisi walks in.

"Shit, you scared me." I declare fearfully.

"I'm sorry Manda, I have some water and sleeping meds if you want some." He says sincerely.

I nod my head and take the water from his hand as he sits down on a chair facing me. I take a gulp of water followed by two sleeping pills. I need the sleep but the nightmares are keeping me awake so I'm hoping these pills will help me get a couple hours of sleep.

"You want to talk about what made you wake up earlier?" Carisi asks.

"I think you already know..."

"Yeah I do. Do you want to talk about what happened in that room?"

"No, I don't want to talk about it. I don't know when I'll be ready to tell you what happened in there. I'm sorry." I explain, tears in my eyes.

"No don't be sorry for it, healing takes time. I'm always going to be here if you change your mind. Maybe you should try and get some sleep, I'll be around if you need anything - don't worry about waking me up I just need to know you are okay."

"Thank you, I appreciate this. I'll see you later I guess."

"Night."

I lay back down as my eyes begin to droop and my limbs begin to feel heavier. I'm praying that I will get some sleep before all the flashbacks come back to haunt me. My eyes flutter shut and the race to a good sleep begins. How long can I stay awake before I'm back in the room helpless all over again?