MY IMMORTAL

The Connection

I tried to move over to him and was stopped short by a pinch of pain. Harry glanced at me and then gracefully made his way toward me.

"Oh joy," I said. "Let me guess. It's time for one of your treatments, right." Harry's lip curled up on the right and his head bowed to conceal his amusement.  I realised with a degree of shock that I loved this coy shy look. Everything had changed so much between us overnight. My repressed memories had shifted the foundations between us now. The rapid shifting left me spinning and confused. I couldn't hate him as I did anymore, but I found myself wanting to hate him, like the absence of that hatred left a gap that needed to be filled. It was more than a gap and it was more than a need to fill it. It was like a gaping chasm that created a vacuum. The canyon was ever expanding as the grief over my Father's death grew and until now, I had found that blaming Harry for it had satiated its hunger.  Now that I was consciously aware of Harry's and my history, I found my conviction to the blame game waned.  I could not hate him now no matter how much I needed to. That hatred of him instead was now converging into a deep shame of myself. I still didn't know what was going on or why I was in so much danger, but I now irrevocably knew that he was my safety, my solace, my centre, my gravity and always had been.  The awareness of his presence at every moment of question in my life had been a revelation that evoked a revolution in me.  He had been there, always there, I remembered now, all of those times.  It was that scent.  His scent. My olfactory senses elicited very clear memories now. Memories of him that had comforted me so many times.  All those times where I had felt fear, was it fear that called to him.  I couldn't rationalise it any more than I could blame him for what happened to my Dad.  Harry was there and would have saved Dad if he could.  I knew that now, all the repressed memories had enlightened me to the hard fact that I was the one to blame for all of those horrid realities. It was me. It was my existence that put everyone around me in danger.  I had caused the death of my mother and my father. I looked around the room for a moment and saw the carnage.  I would be responsible for the death of everyone in this cavern one day as well no doubt.

"Cassie, don't." Harry's voice was barely a whisper, filled with anguish.

"Are you going to allow the others to move or not?" I pushed the destructive thoughts from my mind.  I would not, could not deal with these revelations right now. I would have to compartmentalise all of this until later.  Lock it away as I had with my repressed memories and deal with them at a more suitable time.  Preferably when I was alone.  Preferably never, however certainly not right now.

"They would only try to attack me again." He answered tentatively. He was watching me cautiously, waiting to see if I was going to shatter or splinter in some way.

"Probably true."  Not today.  I would not break now.  I owed everyone in this room more than that. I resigned myself to accept his healings and then I would try to explain this madness to the squad.

"I don't think an explanation would be advisable Cassie. Certainly not... everything."

"OK, OK. Almost everything."

Harry leaned above me so that I had to crane my neck to look up at him.

"So how are we going to do it this time?  With or without the screaming?" His right eyebrow lifted and his lip curled again, he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear while his gaze never left my lips.

'Ha. You like this as much as I do. You are so busted.'  My thoughts taunted him. His eyes broke from my lips and met mine.  His smile warmed the depth of the blue in his eyes so they almost appeared violet.  This was rare.  I don't remember seeing this before.  His eyes were molten, alive and breath-taking.

"You see. This connection can be exceptional. Would you not agree?"

"Yes, agreed." I had to admit the events that had just come to pass could have transpired very differently if it were not for our 'connection'.  Even now I was able to communicate with him without exposing myself to everyone surrounding us. Bear would not have approved any more than my father would have. Bear.  Is he all right?