A Complicated Completion

t w e n t y f o u r - i just want you

T O M M E N

"I fucked up."

"You think?"

Karim's voice was laced with anger. Athena didn't even look at me and Vin had been MIA since Constance got back. Doing what I should have been doing, avoiding her.

"I'm so sorry!"

"Why are you telling me that?"

He was right, why was I sitting with Athena and Karim, banging my head on their dinning room table regretting all of my shite choices. 

"Has she gone home?"

"Yeah, her home though." Athena said bitterly, it was the first time she had said anything to me the whole time I'd been in her house.

I think she was angry that I taken Eliza away like I took Constance away, that she wasn't enough to make them stay and so it was on me. 

"Her home?"

"Liverpool."

Crap. I knew she wanted to go back, it was all she wanted for a long while. Like Constance was all I wanted for a long while.

It was one of the things I truly loved her talking about. Her eyes lit up when she spoke of her city. Everything she said about it was basked in that nostalgic glow, the streets held memories and people she loved. 

Here, London, was everything she hated. No freedom, too corporate, and now me.

Waving off Karim and Athena I got in my car for a long drive of 220miles up to Liverpool.

The silence of my car was usually relaxing to me, I never got much silence. My life was loud and full of people, in school I had the chatter of Athena and Eliza and the semi-constant arguing of Karim and Vin, along with the painful drone of teachers. When staying at Vin's place I had the smooth chats with Vin and the closing of doors as gang-members poured in and out of his flat. At home I had my five siblings and their antics rippling through the house. Even when home alone I had the low strum of my guitar or the soft sound of paintbrushes hitting the canvas.

But alone in a car with no music I had my thoughts. My guilty thoughts, the torturing of my relentless conscience.

It sunk in what an absolute knobjocky I had acted like. I ruined things, everything. I ruined things with Eliza, just when I was falling for her.

As I slipped of the motorway and began passing through A roads I decided to call her, at this time the sky was darkening and the soft golden glow flooded over the sandstone buildings and it explained alot of her love for the city just by this single mental image.

Once I parked up I realised why I should think things through more, I had no idea where she was or who she was with. I'd assume her friend, Paddy, but then again what if she went out partying again?

After a long wait of panic, I called Vin and got Paddy's address. I was just going to show up and hope for the best.

The flat block seemed intimidating, normally everywhere I went I never felt like there was any reason to be scared but knowing she could possibly be in there made the building almost grow in side, squaring up to me.

The shifty men walking around the entrance where meant to be a deterrent but honestly spending so much time with Vin I was immune to their presence. It was much more daunting knowing that she could be up there.

The lift took its time, the numbers slowly ascending as my heart race increase, I mentally wrote and scratch about ten speeches.

I hesitated before knocking on his door, my fist paused before hitting the wood. Before I had the chance to knock the door was opened, Paddy never seemed scary before but he was now.

"You were faster than I thought," he muttered, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol on him but not effecting him.

I gave him a look, my imfamous look that said, "fuck off," as he pushed the door open wider and pointed to the balcony.

As I stepped out to finally see her, the wind relentlessly stabbed my face with ice daggers. 

Although she seemed unaffected by the weather, as she stared out onto her skyline. Her makeup streaky from tear tracks as the bottle of whiskey in her hand hadn't quite kicked in yet. The biff buts around her looked like an offering to the tobacco god, as they were pushed into some kind of pattern by her.

She looked up, her white eyes now red from tears. But something was telling me that the tears weren't completely my fault. Arrogant I know. But it's an unwritten rule that alcohol and a best friend often leads to a mental breakdown.

Her hand reached out to me, sitting cross legged on the floor, she held up the bottle inviting me to talk to her, despite everything I had done.

I took it sitting next to her, watching the lights of her domain flicker as I listened to her slow breathing.

"Why?"

"I had to see if it was right."

"Was it?"

"No, it was so, so wrong."

"So why are you here?"

"For you."

It was a simple answer and a very true one, why complicate things.

"I wanted to bring you here. Out of London, to see why I love it, I wanted to do so many things with you- for you."

"So did I."

"What bullshite is that Tom, the minute she came back you jumped ship. She did nothing but break you, she took everything away and you kissed her!"

"I just have to see if it was what I wanted. But shes not. I don't want her, I've never really wanted her since you walked in to my life. I don't want her lies anymore, I just want you."

Before I even realised it half of my face was numb and my eyes were watering. Soon my face felt like twice the size it was before I had started the conversation with Eliza.

She had punched me, really, really, fucking hard.

The water was running as I sat on Paddy's dirty linoleum tile counter top. Luckly he went out to deal with 'bussiness' as Eliza was patting my face with a damp cloth.

Honestly I was still a bit dazed, and I kind of understood the Eliza that Vin had witness, you have to have been through stuff or just lucky to deliver that hard of a hit.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, still tending to my swollen and bloody cheekbone ignoring her knuckles that were in the same predicament. 

"I deserved it."

She smiled, as she glided around the kitchen to get something else.

"So are we alright?" I asked sheepishly. Hoping she was into the eye for an eye way of life.

"What type of question is that?"

I grasped her wrist pulled her close to me. She was a lot smaller now as I sat on the counter. She looked vulnerable, and I was certain she wasn't a vulnerable person.

"It mean I like you - a lot, and I don't want to do anything with out you."

"But I feel... betrayed."

"So I'll work every day so you never feel that way again. Just come back, finish school. See where well go, remember this as my big mistake before the rest of our lives."

And then she kissed me, and for some reason everything felt right again.