yikes! | mileven oneshots

sometimes i just wanna cave and i don't wanna fight (sober II)

*continuation of the last chapter. contains mature themes.

she walked down the hallway of her school. there were people everywhere yet she felt completely alone. everyone else was normal and it reminded her that she wasn't. her arm still twinged with pain even though it'd been a day since she did it. she was wearing long sleeves to cover up her forearms.

she saw mike wheeler in the distance and instantly tilted her head down. she thought he was approaching her but he ended up walking right past her. she tried to be honest with him on the phone although it was hard for him to understand.

she tried her best everyday. she didn't really think anyone completely understood what it was like. it felt like someone had their hands around her neck and was attempting to strangle her. it was hard to simply breath; it was hard just to walk out of her room.

she didn't know why she cut herself. she didn't think she deserved it, because she didn't. she deserved to be healthy and happy. all she wanted in her life was to be healthy and happy. she didn't do it out of hatred for herself.

it wasn't like she woke up and declared that she was going to hurt herself. she never even thought about doing it. it was simply something she did. sometimes the other pain was too unbearable and cutting herself made her feel a little bit of relief.

she knew it would get better, or at least she hoped it would eventually. she assumed that most people thought she was a lost cause. she'd lost a lot of friends because of her inability to cope with her emotions. she didn't really know how to express herself. she burdened people by pouring her heart out onto them.

the few people that knew about her problems kept begging her to get help, but she never did. she didn't want pills or a doctor. it wasn't that she didn't trust others, it was that she didn't know how to solve any of it. she didn't want to burden anyone or cause anymore problems.

she didn't think that true happiness could result from pills or a therapist. she knew that she had to solve her own problems. she couldn't rely on others to help her anymore; obviously she valued all the help that she'd gotten, but she needed to be strong for herself.

she was sorry that she was even going down that dark road again. she thought she'd made her way out of it although it never happened. she kept trying constantly and yet it never seemed to get better.

many days she simply wanted to take a handful of pills and simply hope she would die. she never thought about how bad it would effect the people around her. she felt like nobody would care if she was gone.

it was almost time to go home when mike finally approached her. she was surprised in a good way. she hadn't wanted to talk to him however she decided that she needed to.

"hey uh... i meant to talk to ya earlier. i know you go through some really bad stuff and i'm awful at helping people but i'm here for you. i promise." he stated with a slight smile on his face.

her cheeks warmed up a bit and she returned the smile. "thanks. it means more than you know."

she didn't want to do it anymore. she didn't want to keep sinking deeper and deeper into an endless pit. she wanted to be strong and confident, for herself. she didn't even know how it'd gotten that bad; she really never thought of herself as depressed.

she was sorry to herself.

~ ~ ~

these two were kinda hard to write but i'm glad i did. after all this angst i really owe u guys a super fluffy one so i promise (maybe) i'll make a fluffy one next! i just enjoy writing about real things that people can relate to so i think that's why there's a lack of fluff sometimes oops. but yeah, the next one will be super cute.

i hope all of u guys are doing good, i'm doing great. i've been running at least a mile everyday and i've been really enjoying it. also happy easter!

anyways, please vote vote vote (click the lil star button) and spam up the comments! thanks.

also shoutout to all my friends bc u guys know who u are and it's easier to say this than to tag people. so if we are friends or you think of us as friends or if i think of us as friends, shoutout to ya.