Antagonym

Chapter 23

I wanted nothing more than to be on the ice. It had been a week and I felt good. Of course there was still some residual soreness and a bruise on my hip the size of Beck's large hand, but that wasn't a reason to deprive me of practice. It physically hurt my heart to watch the team on the ice and know I couldn't be there. Let alone the fact that our defense wasn't looking too hot without Sebastian on the ice and myself in the goal.

The only upside of missing hockey was that I was not required to go to conditioning practices. That left me with significantly more time to do homework but it didn't take long for that to backfire in my face, manifesting into a major case of procrastination. Where was the majority of this hindrance derived from? None other than Sylvia Mason Riley.

So here I am, sitting in her office with my feet kicked up on her desk while scrolling through my Instagram feed.

"So can you watch Ace and Maya this Friday night?" Sylvia asked me while looking away from her computer. For someone who was constantly surrounded by sports, I honestly had no fucking clue what my sister in law did all day when there was no practice. I mean, the sports division in schools like Yale were huge; surely there was nothing more for a Coach to do then coach and occasionally scout.

My green eyes looked up from my phone, my lips settling in a small frown. "I'm sorry, Sylvia. I already have plans for Friday night. What do you need a sitter for? I can do it Saturday if you want." I always felt bad turning her down. This woman was paying for my living expenses and I couldn't even watch her kid for a night. Obviously I helped out more than not, but that didn't stop me from feeling horrible about skipping out on her.

"Nah, don't worry about it. I can find someone else. Finn and I were just going out on a date night before my job gets too hectic. You know how it is mid-season," the bombshell brunette gave me a knowing look across her mahogany desk. "So what are you doing Friday night? Anything interesting?"

"Beck and I are going to a local rock concert downtown. It's a little more on the metal side." Sylvia and Finn were the ones that had opened up my music taste from a young age, turning on my appreciation for a heavier genre. I appreciated their seventies and eighties classics, but my taste resides in more moderns forms of punk and metal.

"Things are getting a little serious between you two, no?" Sylvia asked suggestively while I almost choked on my own spit.

"What? No. We aren't dating and we never will be," I sputtered, almost losing balance on the chair sitting on two legs.

"I'm just saying you guys are getting pretty close. That's all." That wasn't all, because Sylvia was looking at me like she was a teenage girl gossiping with her clique. I could see the mirth in her deep brown eyes, entertained by the miniature distress she was causing. "Sleeping at each others apartments, making out at parties, going to concerts, having lunch and walking to class together; It sounds like dating to me."

"Not if it's platonic."

"Platonically making out?"

"That was one time," I crossed my arms defiantly while glaring at Sylvia with all the hatred I could muster towards the angel incarnate. "And for the record, I'm not a fan of Seb telling you this shit."

"If you're not going to tell me, I have to get it from someone," she shot back plainly. "I'm betting that you two will end up married with seven kids."

"I'm twenty-two, Sylvia."

"I know," she admitted. "You don't have to want anything right now but it's never too early. I was engaged at your age, you know."

"Yeah, but you and Finn were dating for five years." Frankly, I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married. Of course I wanted a relationship eventually, but it just wasn't my top priority right now. I had a competitive career to focus on, and I honestly wasn't sure how I would handle a long distance relationship. Not everyone could uproot their lives for me when my career location changed on a somewhat yearly basis.

But I was also tired of rejection and fear. I didn't want to face another man deciding he didn't want me because of my past. I know I have issues, but it was too painful for me to admit they were the cause of not one, but two of my failed relationships. And I know that I could never be with Beck because of hockey, but if I was going to be honest with myself, it was now also because I was terrified of losing him. After everything I've admitted to him and everything he's done for me, my brain couldn't bare the thought of Beck no longer being there for me.

Every odd was against a relationship between us succeeding. Who knows, maybe in another world we would have been a perfect match with seven kids and a happy marriage. This wasn't a perfect world, it was reality.

"How's his brother doing?" Sylvia asked to change the topic but it still wasn't helping me. Though I suppose it was a good thing she know the state of Aras' health. He was her son's best friend, after all.

"It's not looking good," I admitted in a low voice, my eyes briefly flickering down to my lap. The thirteen year old wasn't getting better, and if anything he was getting worse. He'd lost five more pounds in the past month, according to Beck.

The stoic hockey captain was never a crier. In fact, I got the vibe that he never got agitated about almost anything. But like most things there was one exception; that's what his brother was. It hurt my heart not only to see the thirteen year old go through this, but to see his older brother's facade crack when he no longer had to put on a strong face for his family.

Beck was their rock, even to his father. Beckett was the one to say everything was going to be alright and keep smiling but I knew that act couldn't be further from the truth. It took a toll on him; a huge and irreconcilable toll. It was just two nights ago that Beck had rested his head against my shoulder and confessed his fears and just how much Aras's condition took out of him. The only difference between this time and the moment we shared on the ice, was that now his eyes were as dry as a dessert. It was like he had reached his limit and physically couldn't go any further. All of his tears were gone with his sanity and his energy.

"What he needs is a donor and it's a shame they can't find a match. If Beck has any hope left, it's getting beaten into submission."

Sylvia's pink lips settled into a line, the corners of her mouth tugging downward as her face twisted with pity. "There's nothing you can really do about that, Danny. You just have to be there for him and help him enjoy the time he has with his brother now."

"That's dismally grim," I muttered under my breath with resignation. "But I know. It's truly horrible, though. It's so aggravating that Aras has some of the best care in the world but they just can't find a donor."

"Do you know what his markers are?" Sylvia asked curiously, her intellectual face and tight brows taking over. I might be a math kid, but Sylvia was a genius bio-medical engineer.

"No. I don't have his blood markers memorized. I'm sorry I'm not a bio-med major like you are. I only know he's got an O-negative blood type and that isn't doing him any favors."

"No, I was just wondering," Sylvia dismissed with the wave of her hand but her brain was suddenly somewhere else.

With a sigh I glanced at the clock near her office door and saw it was almost six. "I have to go," I told sadly her while dropping the chair back on all four legs and standing up. I reached to the seat besides me and grabbed my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder. "I'm meeting the guys for dinner after practice. I'll see you this weekend though."

"Yeah," Sylvia agreed. "Have fun at the concert. Love you."

"Love you too."

I don't know what I would do without my sister, because my family was my everything. I could only hope I could offer Beck that same love and support.

Wish me luck.